I'm ready for more jokes.

[rick601]

Then there was the magician who walked down the street and turned into a drugstore.

 

[72r60/7]

A guy with Alzheimer’s slips up to beside a pretty girl at the Bar and says,
“Do I come here very often ? “.

 

[FELAW]

Charles Dickens, it is said, spent many years in the United States and much of that time in New York City. Seeking inspiration for his writing he would often go into a Lower East Side bar and order a martini. Inspiration came because without fail the bartender would ask "olive or twist?"

 

[fmdualexhaust]

Charles Dickens, it is said, spent many years in the United States and much of that time in New York City. Seeking inspiration for his writing he would often go into a Lower East Side bar and order a martini. Inspiration came because without fail the bartender would ask "olive or twist?"

Groan

 

[GTRider]

Charles Dickens, it is said, spent many years in the United States and much of that time in New York City. Seeking inspiration for his writing he would often go into a Lower East Side bar and order a martini. Inspiration came because without fail the bartender would ask "olive or twist?"

Grooaan.
That’s as bad as pointing out that George Armstrong Custer was the sharpest-dressing Army officer of his time, as evidenced by the fact that when they found him at the Little Big Horn he was wearing...an Arrow shirt.

Running for the exit,
DeVern

 

[rick601]

An Imam, a Rabbi, and a Priest walk into a bar. The bartender says, what is this, some kind of joke?

 

[akbeemer]

Two Irishmen walk past a pub......

 

[rick601]

A woman walks into a bar with a duck under her arm- Bartender says, "hey, we don't serve pigs in here." Woman says , "It's not a pig it's a duck."......Bartender says, "I was talking to the duck."

 

[scooter trash]

I recently called an old engineering buddy. I asked, "Whatcha doing, pal?". He replied that he was working on 'Aqua-thermal treatments of various ceramic, aluminum, and stainless steel materials under a constrained environment'. Wow! I was immediately impressed until, upon further inquiry, I learned that he was washing the dinner 'dishes with hot, soapy water under his wife's close observations,

 

[scooter trash]

I recently applied for a Equity Loan. The loan officer asked what my job title was, I said that my title was "Design Engineer" because "Miracle Worker" was not a real job title/labor category.

 

[dieselyoda]

My Grandson came for Sunday lunch sporting two black eyes. When I was his age, having a black eye was part of playing hockey.

But nowadays, they wear full face protection so I was pondering how he got them.

"Dude, how did you get two black eyes?"

"Mom and Grandma and me went to Church after hockey."

"Oh?"

"Well, we were sitting and singing then the Priest asked us all to raise for Prayer."

"Ok?"

"The lady in front of us stood up and her dress was caught in her butt crack."

"And?"

"Well, I pulled her dress out of her butt crack and she turned around and smacked me."

"Aaahhh, I see. But how did you get two black eyes?"

"I tried to put it back."

 

[20774]

Sign of the times:

 

[179212]

Robot



I am a idiot already posted this 4 pages back still funny however

 

[179212]

Service

 

[akbeemer]

 

[dieselyoda]

View attachment 76780

A man pulled up next to a little girl walking home from school and said "If you get in, I'll give you a lollypop."
The girl kept walking.
Following along slowly, the man said "Come on and get in the truck with me and I'll give you two lolly pops."
She kept her eyes on the sidewalk and continued on her way.
The man said "Get in with me and I'll give you this whole bag of lollypops!"
Finally, the girl turned and said "Look daddy, YOU bought the Chevy, YOU ride in it!!!"

 

[179212]

 

[40401]

Lucky Frog

A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit. 9- Iron".
The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. "Ribbit. 9-Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong. He puts his other club away, and grabs a 9-iron. Boom! he hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked!
He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?" The frog replies "Ribbit. Lucky frog." The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think frog?" the man asks. "Ribbit. 3-wood."
The guy takes out a 3-wood, and boom! A hole in one.
The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man has golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?" The frog replies, "Ribbit. Las Vegas." They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?" The frog says, "Ribbit. Roulette."
Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks, "What do you think I should bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit. $3000,black 6." Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game, the man figures what the heck. Boom - tons of cash come sliding back across the table.
The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful." The frog replies, "Ribbit, Kiss Me."
He figures, Why not? After all the frog did for him, it is a small price to pay. With the kiss, however, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl.
"And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room."

 

[179212]

Looking for air central

 

[akbeemer]