I'm ready for more jokes.

Curtis & Leroy bought a mule for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day.

The next morning the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night."

Curtis & Leroy replied, "Well, then just give us our money back."

The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

They said, "OK then, just bring us the dead mule."

The farmer asked, "What in the world ya'll gonna do with a dead mule?" Curtis said, "We gonna raffle him off."

The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead mule!"

Leroy said, "We shore can! We don't hafta tell nobody he's dead!"

A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis & Leroy at the Piggly Wiggly grocery store and asked. "What'd you fellers ever do with that dead mule?"

They said,"We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do."

Leroy said, "We sold 500 tickets fer two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898."

The farmer said, "Didn't anyone complain?"

Curtis said, "Well, the feller who won got upset. So we gave him his two dollars back

Today's Funny

Toe truck

This is in Seattle for real.

And when he's not pulling cars, he's a podiatrist on the side.

Pauls1150 said:

And when he's not pulling cars, he's a podiatrist on the side.

Click to expand...

Some people will do anything to get their foot in the door.

1074 said:

Some people will do anything to get their foot in the door.

Click to expand...

And bet he's a guy with real "sole"

Now, that's toeing the line...

DAUGHTERS PRAYER
A Chief put his 3 year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying...
"God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and goodbye Grandpa."
The Chief asked....
"Why did you say goodbye Grandpa?"
The little girl said.....
"I don't know, Daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
The next day grandpa died.
The Chief thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the Chief put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this:
"God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma."
The next day the grandmother died.
"Holy Moley, thought the Chief, "this kid is in contact with the other side."
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the Chief heard her say:
"God bless Mommy and goodbye Daddy."
He practically went into shock.
The Chief couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office on base. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.
The Chief felt safe on base, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.
Finally, midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said,....
"I've haven't seen you work so late like this in awhile. What's the matter?"
The Chief replied...
"I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."
The wife said....
"You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me this morning....
My golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson."

Just failed my driving test.
When the examiner asked me "What sign would you expect to see on a narrow country road?",
apparently "Fresh Eggs for Sale" wasn't the answer.

https://advrider.com/its-always-bee...utm_campaign=editorial&utm_content=06_18_2021

E.

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children...
"You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, from Toronto, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second Mom, from Montreal, Ann: "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turned to the third Mom, Joyce from BC: "Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother, from Newfoundland, Carol, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand, and whispered, "Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea what he's talking about. Let's pick up Peter and Willy from school and get dinner."

Rx



Caution: Known To Be Addictive

Why couldn't the motorcycle stand up on it's own?

Because it was two tired

A man is driving down the road with his wife, and goes straight threw a stop sign . They get pulled over. The officer asked him if he saw the sign?
Before he can answer, his wife leans over and tells the officer that he runs that stop sign every day. I've told him not to do it.
He tells his wife to shut up, with many expletives.
The officer also says they have a taillight out.
The wife leans over and tells the officer that she has been telling him for months that the light is out.
He tells his wife to shut up, with many expletives.
The officer asks the wife if her husband is always this verbally abusive?
She says,
Only when he's drinking..

Enthusiastic Scottish distillery tour guide

^

akbeemer said:

Enthusiastic Scottish distillery tour guide

Click to expand...

Bravo!

She needs another shot!