There are things worse than dying.

[Bud]

My 92 year old mother died yesterday. She was experiencing pain in her stomach, the EMT's came, took her to the ER where her pressure was low and pulse irregular, they gave her medication to ease the pain as her heart just gave out. We got there just before she died.

Last week she visited us for a few days and our son and family came for supper. We had a fun evening. A week ago today I took her to Jefferson Barracks National Cemetery in St. Louis to visit my dad's grave.

She said she wanted to go to a funeral home and "look at their work" because she didn't like to see people with a lot of makeup on in the casket. I said "You want me to go to the door of a funeral home and ask if we can see any dead people?" She said "Yes". I offered to drive her there and she could look alone as I wasn't asking or going.

Mom and I could talk about this stuff and laugh at the same time. Her granddaughter got a red light ticket that shows she and and mom laughing about something and my niece didn't stop (Distracted driving for sure!)

Wednesday I went over for the weekly visit. Dr appt (shot in the eye), shopping, lunch. Had a nice day. Talked to her twice on the phone Thursday.

Mom had macular degeneration, high blood pressure, 5 stents, diabetes and was hard of hearing. She lived independently in a retirement complex. Her mind was sharp and I never worried that someone was going to cheat her out of her money.As a child of the Depression, she worried about having enough money for the rest of her life. I told her I was going to look down into the casket and say "I told you so." as she had sufficient resources to live for decades. We both laughed. We shared a similar sense of humor. When I left to go home that day our last words to each other were "I love you."

She often said she feared going blind the most and didn't want to live in long term care.

She wondered, as many her age do, why she was still here. She told me she lived a good life, had no regrets and was ready to go at any time. Neither she nor I nor anyone else expected it to be yesterday.

What a blessing for her and us that her death was short and painless.

I'm sad that's she is gone. I'm happy how it happened.

And a short m/c related story. I went to Nova Scotia last year on the bike. Was gone 24 days and mom didn't like me being away so long. When I told her I was going back again this year she wasn't happy. My sister tells me that mom thought I was going back because I liked it so much that I wanted to move there. She could never understand that it was just fun to ride.

Is there someone you love that you haven't told recently? Do it today.

 

[Voni]

Thank you for this wisdom at a really tough time.

All my heart's hugs.

Voni

 

[36654]

My 92 year old mother died yesterday. She was experiencing pain in her stomach, the EMT's came, took her to the ER where her pressure was low and pulse irregular, they gave her medication to ease the pain as her heart just gave out. We got there just before she died.

Last week she visited us for a few days and our son and family came for supper. We had a fun evening. A week ago today I took her to Jefferson Barracks National Cemetery in St. Louis to visit my dad's grave.

She said she wanted to go to a funeral home and "look at their work" because she didn't like to see people with a lot of makeup on in the casket. I said "You want me to go to the door of a funeral home and ask if we can see any dead people?" She said "Yes". I offered to drive her there and she could look alone as I wasn't asking or going.

Mom and I could talk about this stuff and laugh at the same time. Her granddaughter got a red light ticket that shows she and and mom laughing about something and my niece didn't stop (Distracted driving for sure!)

Wednesday I went over for the weekly visit. Dr appt (shot in the eye), shopping, lunch. Had a nice day. Talked to her twice on the phone Thursday.

Mom had macular degeneration, high blood pressure, 5 stents, diabetes and was hard of hearing. She lived independently in a retirement complex. Her mind was sharp and I never worried that someone was going to cheat her out of her money.As a child of the Depression, she worried about having enough money for the rest of her life. I told her I was going to look down into the casket and say "I told you so." as she had sufficient resources to live for decades. We both laughed. We shared a similar sense of humor. When I left to go home that day our last words to each other were "I love you."

She often said she feared going blind the most and didn't want to live in long term care.

She wondered, as many her age do, why she was still here. She told me she lived a good life, had no regrets and was ready to go at any time. Neither she nor I nor anyone else expected it to be yesterday.

What a blessing for her and us that her death was short and painless.

I'm sad that's she is gone. I'm happy how it happened.

And a short m/c related story. I went to Nova Scotia last year on the bike. Was gone 24 days and mom didn't like me being away so long. When I told her I was going back again this year she wasn't happy. My sister tells me that mom thought I was going back because I liked it so much that I wanted to move there. She could never understand that it was just fun to ride.

Is there someone you love that you haven't told recently? Do it today.

Bud,

I'm sorry for your loss, but you do seem to be very wealthy man when wealth is valued as peace of mind and memories

My condolences,

Jon

 

[akbeemer]

Thanks Bud. Sharing your experiences is particularly helpful for Annie and me. We are the guardians of my 94 year old aunt. She is still mentally sharp but is going blind and deaf and has a colostomy. She often talks of wanting to die and dreads the prospect of having to have someone tend to her health and hygiene needs. You can live too long.

 

[henzilla]

Condolences from the Blanco Clan. Sounds like a wonderful mother you enjoyed time with.

 

[52184]

Condolences on your loss. It sounds like you had an awesome relationship with your
mom, and that she lived a long and fulfilling life. Thank you for sharing your story, and peace to both of you.

Best,

DG

 

[shortythorne]

Bud I don't think we've met, but my heart goes out to you in this time of loss. It seems you had a wonderful relationship with your Mother, and that is so comforting now. Kindest thoughts to you and your family.

 

[Dmftoy1]

Sorry for your loss - just finished four years of caring for my wife's parents and completely get what you're saying.

Take care,
Dave

 

[Bud]

Thanks to all of you for your posts and PM's. You have been very kind.

 

[Cal]

Bud,

I am sorry for your loss.

 

[Ken F]

Thanks Bud, for the reminder. I'm glad it was an easy passage for her.

Facing pretty much the same situation with my dad.

Ken

 

[gfspencer]

Several years ago I went to visit my aunt for her 95th birthday. The preacher asked her if she didn't want to live another 95 years. She said, "No. I lived a good life and now it's time." She died a few months later. What a wonderful woman she was. Full of spunk and common sense. I hope I can go out like she did.

 

[barryg]

Just got back from from the care home where my 84 year old mother is for some rehab due to a 'mild heart attack'. In the last 8 years she's fell numerous times. 2 broken hips, a broken pelvic bone, 2 broken wrists . Rehab after all of them. In between she's had a seizure, and a stroke with more rehab. During this time, she's had eye surgery, but is now legally blind. The blindness has led to Charles Bonnet Syndrome. She sees people, animals, etc. which don't exist. No cure. She has some degree of alztimers and dementia. It's slowly getting worse. I've been to more hospitals, care homes, doctor's offices, medical facilities, etc. than I knew ever existed. I'm an expert at numerous medical devices and procedures. My mother lived good life, no alcohol, no drugs, early to bed, early to rise. Clean living. Just don't seem right or fair. I kinda know what your talking about. All you can do is the best you can and leave it in God's hands. Barry

 

[wezul]

Hey Bud,
92?
I say good job!
Hang on to those memories and you will never lose her.

 

[chasman]

Sorry for your loss Bud. All the best to you and your's.

 

[jgr451]

Sorry Bud.

 

[rangerreece]

Bud,
Sincere condolences for your loss. Your story rings loud in my virtual ears. It reminds me of s scene in Ray Bradbury's book, Dandelion Wine where the main character, a child enjoying summer break stood by the bedside of his dying grandmother. Concerned for her, she assuaged the boy's anxiety by explaining that life had become like watching your favorite movie over and over again.

 

[AirBender]

Wow....this post made me tear up even while reading it in my office. I suppose in the back of my mind I was imagining my Mother and how I will feel when that day comes. I'm sorry for your loss, it seems your Mom led a good full life. Thank you for reminding us to let those loved ones know we care.

 

[Bud]

Thank you all

Today, a cold, wet and rainy day, we buried mom at Jefferson Barracks National Cemetery.

I took great comfort remembering all of your kind words of comfort and encouragement when you learned of her passing.

You have no idea how much this meant to me.

 

[rangerreece]

You have no idea how much this meant to me.

We had an idea that one of our family members was hurting. All the more reason to make the effort to comfort him as best we could. I had a long conversation on the phone with my mom and dad last night. I needed to talk to them, mostly about my son their grandson and his decision to sever all ties with the family at 19. So your poignant post about the loss of your mother cut both ways for me personally, as a son and a father. Your post helped me, maybe my post helped you. That's why we are here I suppose.