riderr1150gsadv
Well-known member
I just sold my homing pigeon on ebay for the 22nd time....
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I'm ready for more jokes.
- Thread starter oldhway
- Start date
pglaves
#13338
Old Bill was concerned that his wife might be losing her hearing. So from about 20 feet across the room he asked "can you hear me?" No answer. So he walked toward her and from about 15 feet he repeated the question. Then from ten feet he asked her again. Finally he walked to within about five feet of her and he asked again. And she replied, "for the fourth time, yes"!!
ksdcr
Member
."A man gets a text from his neighbor":
I am so sorry, Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you do. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again.
The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.
A few moments later, he got a second text message from the guy:
Damned autocorrect. I meant "wifi", not "wife."
__________________
I am so sorry, Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you do. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again.
The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.
A few moments later, he got a second text message from the guy:
Damned autocorrect. I meant "wifi", not "wife."
__________________
fmdualexhaust
Member
Back when SNL was funny.
52184
GTRider
Well, it still is, but SNL hasn’t changed so much as it’s viewers have.
Best,
DeVern
langoptc
Member
ksdcr
Member
An 80 year old R100 owner goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results.
The doctor says, "George, everything looks great.
How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?"
George replies, "God and I are tight.
He knows I have poor eyesight, so He's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night
to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on.
When I'm done, poof! The light goes off."
"Wow, that's incredible," the doctor says.
A little later in the day, the doctor calls George's wife. "Ethel,"
he says, "George is doing fine!
But I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God.
Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof! the light goes on in the bathroom,
and when he's done, poof! the light goes off?"
"Oh sweet Jesus" exclaims Ethel.
"He's peein' in the refrigerator again!
The doctor says, "George, everything looks great.
How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?"
George replies, "God and I are tight.
He knows I have poor eyesight, so He's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night
to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on.
When I'm done, poof! The light goes off."
"Wow, that's incredible," the doctor says.
A little later in the day, the doctor calls George's wife. "Ethel,"
he says, "George is doing fine!
But I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God.
Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof! the light goes on in the bathroom,
and when he's done, poof! the light goes off?"
"Oh sweet Jesus" exclaims Ethel.
"He's peein' in the refrigerator again!
ksdcr
Member
Ed and Carolyn met while on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for her. When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home. Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Carolyn to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums. Ed even let her clean his BMW R1200 GS. Ed became convinced that Carolyn was indeed his soul mate…and true love.
Every date seemed better than the last. On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed took Carolyn to a fine restaurant.
While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Ed said, “I guess you can tell I’m very much in love with you. I’d like a little serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage.
So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life changing question, it’s only fair to warn you, I’m a total golf nut. I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that’s going to be a problem for us, you’d better say so now!” Carolyn took a deep breath and responded, “Ed that certainly won’t be a problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we’re being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for the last five years I’ve…I’ve been a hooker.”
“That’s alright.” Ed said, “I bet it’s because you’re not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball.”
Every date seemed better than the last. On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed took Carolyn to a fine restaurant.
While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Ed said, “I guess you can tell I’m very much in love with you. I’d like a little serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage.
So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life changing question, it’s only fair to warn you, I’m a total golf nut. I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that’s going to be a problem for us, you’d better say so now!” Carolyn took a deep breath and responded, “Ed that certainly won’t be a problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we’re being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for the last five years I’ve…I’ve been a hooker.”
“That’s alright.” Ed said, “I bet it’s because you’re not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball.”
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