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I'm ready for more jokes.

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Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
 
Racism

Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days.


A customer asked, "In what aisle could I find the Newfy sausage?"

The shop assistant asks, "Are you from Newfoundland ?"

The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something,

"If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?

Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?

Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?

Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?

Or if I asked for Polish sausage, would you ask if I was Polish?"

The shop assistant says, "No, I probably wouldn't."

The guy says, "Well then, because I asked for Newfy sausage, why did you ask me if I'm from Newfoundland ?"

The clerk replied, "Because you're in Home Hardware."
 
I trained my dog to fetch beer.
That may not sound too impressive, but he gets them from the neighbor's fridge.

Our town is so small we don't have a town drunk,
so we all take turns.
 
Up for a Darwin Award:

The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast... The man, frustrated, walked away.
 
This is a sad story of the depression that can haunt a man.

Marcel was sick and tired of the world; of Covid 19, Brexit, Russian belligerence, global warming, racial tensions, and the rest of the disturbing stories that occupy media headlines.

Marcel drove his car into his garage and then sealed every doorway and window as best he could. He got back into his car and wound down all the windows, selected his favorite radio station and started the car.

Four days later, a worried neighbor peered through his garage window and saw him in the car. She notified the emergency services and they broke in, pulling Marcel from the car.



A little sip of water and, surprisingly, he was in perfect condition, but his Tesla had a dead battery.
 
We were in a cafe yesterday for lunch as were some Montana State Troopers. One Trooper wore a mask that said, “ I ❤️ Search Warrants”.
 
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