Riding with my best friend

I hope it is ok to post a question from a guy on this forum but I need some advice. My wife now has two years on her 2010 F650GS and loves riding. It has taken me awhile to finally get comfortable riding with her but she went down on a recent Fall ride on the dirt. She shattered her ankle and required surgery but is healing well. I now am second guessing this whole riding thing. I am not sure I can get used to riding with her again without worrying all the time which takes some of the fun out of it for me. I know she would be bummed if I no longer wanted to ride but I am thinking that might be an option. Any advice on this one.
Thanks
Mark

So if you don't ride with her you don't ride? Like at all ever again?
Whoa

Does she ever ride solo or with anyone other than you?

What about two up is that an option?
Maybe you need to let go and let her worry about her
Talk to her, man!

What is her opinion about continuing riding or are you the sole decision maker?

I ride with my wife too, she is basically my best riding partner. I would never make that decision for her.

My wife would tell you to "Get over it!"

I guess I need some clarification. Is she still going to ride and you are not sure you want to ride anymore? Or you are not sure about her riding her own bike?
I have a riding mate as well, I let her make her own decisions...doesn't mean I do not care , but it is her decision to make.
Works best for both of us

Like Steve, my wife is my constant riding partner. Annie will always make her own decisions about riding; with or without me.

While I might be a modest influence the notion that I could control what and or when Voni rides just doesn't compute. As others have said, your wife can and should decide her riding future. It sounds from the original post that your issue is your own unease, lack of confidence in her riding etc.

That says to me that should she not decide to quit or limit her riding, then she should plan the rides, set the pace, and gain her own confidence and skill with you along to help. Then for more spirited. agressive, testosterone laden riding, find another buddy to roar off with, or go alone. Then back to the patient mentor mode with her.

With no pejorative implications I will offer that I personally know a dozen or two women who learned to ride and then scared or hurt themselves trying to keep up with their (added: vastly more experienced) husbands, boyfriends, etc. on spirited trips or weekend rides. This has sometimes led to them giving up. Patiently mentoring a spouse can be difficult at times.

After her million miles and my 800,000, Voni prefers that I go first (ride in front). Her explanation: "The least experienced rider should go first and set the pace."

PGlaves said:

Her explanation: "The least experienced rider should go first and set the pace."

Click to expand...

LOL...that would be Voni!

Thanks

Thank you everyone for the great input. I guess what I am struggling with the most is remembering that moment I looked in my rear mirror and saw my wife hitting the road and not being able to get up because her foot was pointing in the wrong direction. I guess it isn't that easy "To get over it" as one person put it. Not fun to see someone you really love in so much pain. I know this could happen just as easy in everyday life because we are active doing other things outdoors. Just seems things get ramped up a bit on the MC. And by the way it will be her decesion if she wants to continue to ride with or without me.

My wife had a really bad wreck 20 yrs ago (took her 6 months to walk) and she still rides.

Move on from that bad moment.

Everyday we both have to drive by the spot where she crashed it's only 3 miles from our house.

When I first met my wife she rode a Yamaha FZ6 and was an average rider. On one of our early adventures we got lost. While trying to get back on course we chose to make a u turn on a quiet back road. I made my turn and heard Alex cry out in my headset. She had fallen and was stuck under the bike. As quickly as I could I went back to help. I was shaken to see the woman I loved in such a fragile state. Fortunately she wasn't hurt. Her gear kept her from harm. In subsequent rides I had nagging thoughts that she might be riding above her comfort level to please me. We took Lee Parks Total Control riding clinics and have been to the track. I still have reasonable concern but I know my wife is now a skillled confident rider.
P.S. She now rides a 2014 1200GS.

Thanks

Thanks everyone for all the great insight. I think my wife will be fine and trust her abilities for sure. I guess it is me who needs to figure my head out. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful wife who enjoys riding as much or more that I do. After all the input from everyone it is time to relax and enjoy the journey.

PGlaves said:

"The least experienced rider should go first and set the pace."

Click to expand...

Not if he/she chews Red Man or Union Standard

I think the relative position of the riders may have something to do with the oogling that the trailing rider likes to engage in.... some kids!

akbeemer said:

I think the relative position of the riders may have something to do with the oogling that the trailing rider likes to engage in.... some kids!

Click to expand...

Glad Red Man is not in H's repertoire ...I get hit with an occasional Skittle however

I've been on both sides of this.
I was just a bit behind a friend who hit a buck, totaling his bike and breaking his collarbone, and then a few years later I was t-boned by a soccer mom and broke both legs.
It was MUCH harder to see an accident happen to a friend, by far. The "filmstrip" of the accident played in my head often for about a year.
After my wreck, NOT riding was NOT an option for me. It is who I am, what I do. The new GS was specifically my motivation.
My husband had his own concerns to get over, which he thoughtfully did during the year I was out of commission rehabbing.
He couldn't have prevented my accident any more that I could have prevented my friend's.
It is her call- If she wants to ride, I'm in her corner. If she doesn't, I'm with her there, too. Likewise for you, but are you willing to be left on the porch?
That being said, if you're specifically bothered by reliving the event and it has been awhile... there's help for that.

Just found this thread by happenstance

Leave it to the forums to let me know, I'm not alone in this, and im not crazy. The stress of riding with someone you deeply care about as they are learning the craft is real and tangible, and there is hope even after a horrific accident (thanks iRene). I found this thread very uplifting. Thanks for the YouTube video Voni, and of course, thankyou Paul, your words are very wise and sit well in this quasi young man's soul.

In 2004 my husband was following me as I took a right hand curve in WV too fast (for my skill level), and before I could get that sorted, was nearly splatted on the grill of an 18 wheeler who was over the centerline coming at me.

Hate to admit that I 'laid it down' because I didn't believe I had enough room to stop after dodging the truck (a steep hillside on the outside of the corner), and didn't trust leaning harder to get inside of the truck's arc. I never questioned getting back on board. He continued riding the rest of the season and I never questioned getting back on, myself. If your wife intends to get back on board, you'll have to make your own peace with it. Best of luck!

I'm Lionlady's husband, and I can certainly relate to the OP's experience! We were both fairly new riders at the time of the crash she described. What made the difference to me was that LL could articulate what she'd learned, what she will do differently the next time. This thing that we do is dangerous, and we can't eliminate all the risks. But if we can learn and then move on, the rewards are worth the risk. And knowing she had learned - we BOTH had learned - from the experience, I could relax and move forward.