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I'm ready for more jokes.
- Thread starter oldhway
- Start date
pauls1150
MOA #24991, south of Los Angeles
I was outside, helping a neighbor do some yard cleanup after Hillary (which really wasn't so bad right here).
Across the street, one of the gals working with a local dog-training outfit was walking three dogs, giving them commands in that awful high-pitched female lovey-dovey voice - "That's a GOOD boy!" - and rewarding them with a little treat for responding properly.
I called over, "Gosh, you never talk to me like that!"
"That's because you're NOT a good boy!"
Touché!
Across the street, one of the gals working with a local dog-training outfit was walking three dogs, giving them commands in that awful high-pitched female lovey-dovey voice - "That's a GOOD boy!" - and rewarding them with a little treat for responding properly.
I called over, "Gosh, you never talk to me like that!"
"That's because you're NOT a good boy!"
Touché!
ksdcr
Member
A man takes his wife to the State Fair and one of the exhibits is that of breeding bulls.
They come up to the first pen and there is a sign that says, "This Bull mated 50 times last year."
The wife pokes her husband in the ribs and says, "He mated 50 times last year."
They walked a little further and see another pen with a sign that says, "This Bull mated 120 times last year."
The wife hits her husband and says, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."
They walk further and a third pen has a Bull with a sign saying, "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife gets really excited and says, "That's once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one"
The husband looks at her and says .... "Go up and ask him if it was with the same cow." ----
They come up to the first pen and there is a sign that says, "This Bull mated 50 times last year."
The wife pokes her husband in the ribs and says, "He mated 50 times last year."
They walked a little further and see another pen with a sign that says, "This Bull mated 120 times last year."
The wife hits her husband and says, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."
They walk further and a third pen has a Bull with a sign saying, "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife gets really excited and says, "That's once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one"
The husband looks at her and says .... "Go up and ask him if it was with the same cow." ----
ksdcr
Member
A blonde was desperate for money so she decided to go to the richer neighborhoods around town and look for odd jobs.
At the first house, a man answered the door and told her. 'Yeah, I have a job for you. Could you paint the porch?'
'Sure,' smiled the blonde, 'I'll do it for $100.'
'Great,' the man replied. 'You'll find the paint and stuff you need in the garage.'
The man went back into the house to his wife, who'd been listening. 'A hundred bucks! Does she know it goes all the way around the house?' asked the wife.
'Well, she must. She was standing right on it!' he said.
About 45 minutes later, the blonde knocked on the door. 'I'm all done,' she reported.
The man was amazed. You painted the whole porch?'
'Yeah,' the blonde said. 'I even had some left, so I put on two coats!'
The man reached into his wallet to pay her.
'And by the way,' said the blonde, 'that's not a Porsche. It's a Ferrari.
At the first house, a man answered the door and told her. 'Yeah, I have a job for you. Could you paint the porch?'
'Sure,' smiled the blonde, 'I'll do it for $100.'
'Great,' the man replied. 'You'll find the paint and stuff you need in the garage.'
The man went back into the house to his wife, who'd been listening. 'A hundred bucks! Does she know it goes all the way around the house?' asked the wife.
'Well, she must. She was standing right on it!' he said.
About 45 minutes later, the blonde knocked on the door. 'I'm all done,' she reported.
The man was amazed. You painted the whole porch?'
'Yeah,' the blonde said. 'I even had some left, so I put on two coats!'
The man reached into his wallet to pay her.
'And by the way,' said the blonde, 'that's not a Porsche. It's a Ferrari.
fmdualexhaust
Member
A middle grade school teacher had a WW II ace pilot in class to speak to the children.
Every time the pilot mentioned Fokker, the children would giggle and poke each other.
About the third time this happened, the teacher interrupted the speaker.
She told the children that when Mr Smith said Fokker, he was talking about an airplane.
Mr Smith turned to her and said "oh not these Fokkers Maam, these were Messerschmitts."
Every time the pilot mentioned Fokker, the children would giggle and poke each other.
About the third time this happened, the teacher interrupted the speaker.
She told the children that when Mr Smith said Fokker, he was talking about an airplane.
Mr Smith turned to her and said "oh not these Fokkers Maam, these were Messerschmitts."
cajunrider
Member
^^^^
What??? No mention of getting off my lawn???
What??? No mention of getting off my lawn???
Even cannibals are required to use utensils. We’re not barbarians after all.
tsconver
Hooligan
It would be funny if it was spelled right, Dahmer was his name.
NopeEven cannibals are required to use utensils. We’re not barbarians after all.
Nope
Nope
Ding Ding Ding we have a winner!
OM
mikegalbicka
Back in the saddle again
Unless of course you are a mod then you can pretty much get away with anything.
Now was that a joke or what.
gsaddict
Pepperfool
It was.
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