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Thread: I'm ready for more jokes.

  1. #1216
    Registered User dieselyoda's Avatar
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    A farmer has four beautiful daughters

    Hes a bit overprotective of them, so when Friday date night rolls around, he greets the gentlemen callers at the door with a shotgun over his shoulder.

    Friday night rolls around, and the doorbell rings, so he walks to it, shotgun in hand, and opens it to a young man who says:

    Hi, Im Freddy! Im here to pick up Betty! Were gonna go eat spaghetti! Is she ready?

    The farmer is a bit bewildered by this greeting, but he cant see anything wrong with this guy, so he tells him: ok, have her home by 10.

    A few minutes later, the doorbell rings again, and the farmer opens the door with his shotgun over his shoulder to a young man who says:

    Hi, Im Jim! Im here to pick up Kim! Were gonna go for a swim! Can I come in?

    The farmer is again bewildered by the greeting, but again, he cant see anything wrong with the guy, so he tells him: ok, have her home by 10, and no funny business in the pool.

    A few minutes later, the doorbell rings again, and the farmer opens the door with his shotgun over his shoulder to a young man who says:

    Hi, Im Joe! Im here to pick up Flo! Were gonna go to a show! Can she go?

    By now, the farmer is completely dumbfounded by these greetings, but again, he cant see anything wrong with the guy, so he tells him: ok, have her home by 10.

    A few minutes later, the doorbell rings one last time, and the farmer opens the door with his shotgun over his shoulder to a young man who says:

    Hi, Im Chuck and the farmer shoots him.
    1997 R1100RT, 1981 KZ 440 LTD, R80RT, R90/6 sidecar, K1100RS,1983 K100RS (Cafe now)

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  2. #1217
    Fortis Fortuna Adiuvat Omega Man's Avatar
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  3. #1218
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    Man am I disappointed. I just found out my universal remote does NOT control the universe...not even remotely.

  4. #1219
    Registered User WalterK75's Avatar
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    Masochist to sadist. Beat me, beat me.
    Sadist to masochist. No
    Walter

    "Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under."
    H. L. Mencken

  5. #1220
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    Quote Originally Posted by WalterK75 View Post
    Masochist to sadist. Beat me, beat me.
    Sadist to masochist. No
    always liked that one.
    Haven't read through all recently so this may be a repeat:

    Q: Do you know where you can weigh a pie?
    A; Somewhere over the rainbow

  6. #1221
    Sir Darby Darryl Cainey's Avatar
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    Curtis & Leroy bought a mule for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day.

    The next morning the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night."

    Curtis & Leroy replied, "Well, then just give us our money back."

    The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

    They said, "OK then, just bring us the dead mule."

    The farmer asked, "What in the world ya'll gonna do with a dead mule?" Curtis said, "We gonna raffle him off."

    The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead mule!"

    Leroy said, "We shore can! We don't hafta tell nobody he's dead!"

    A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis & Leroy at the Piggly Wiggly grocery store and asked. "What'd you fellers ever do with that dead mule?"

    They said,"We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do."

    Leroy said, "We sold 500 tickets fer two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898."

    The farmer said, "Didn't anyone complain?"

    Curtis said, "Well, the feller who won got upset. So we gave him his two dollars back
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  7. #1222
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    Today's Funny

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    "Our battered suitcases (panniers?) were piled on the sidewalk again; we had longer ways to go. But no matter, the road is life." - jack kerouac


  8. #1223
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    This is in Seattle for real.

  9. #1224
    MOA #24991 Pauls1150's Avatar
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    And when he's not pulling cars, he's a podiatrist on the side.

  10. #1225
    Rally Rat 1074's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pauls1150 View Post
    And when he's not pulling cars, he's a podiatrist on the side.
    Some people will do anything to get their foot in the door.
    Boxerbruce

  11. #1226
    Registered User gsinnc's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 1074 View Post
    Some people will do anything to get their foot in the door.
    And bet he's a guy with real "sole"
    Ed Apelian
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  12. #1227
    MOA #24991 Pauls1150's Avatar
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    Now, that's toeing the line...

  13. #1228
    Registered User ExGMan's Avatar
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    John Gamel - BMW MOA Consumer Liaison 2018-Present
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    "We have met the enemy and he is us." Pogo-via Walt Kelly

  14. #1229
    '14 R1200 GS Adv bigjohnsd's Avatar
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    DAUGHTERS PRAYER
    A Chief put his 3 year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying...
    "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and goodbye Grandpa."
    The Chief asked....
    "Why did you say goodbye Grandpa?"
    The little girl said.....
    "I don't know, Daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
    The next day grandpa died.
    The Chief thought it was a strange coincidence.
    A few months later the Chief put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this:
    "God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma."
    The next day the grandmother died.
    "Holy Moley, thought the Chief, "this kid is in contact with the other side."
    Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the Chief heard her say:
    "God bless Mommy and goodbye Daddy."
    He practically went into shock.
    The Chief couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office on base. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.
    The Chief felt safe on base, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.
    Finally, midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
    When he got home his wife said,....
    "I've haven't seen you work so late like this in awhile. What's the matter?"
    The Chief replied...
    "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."
    The wife said....
    "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me this morning....
    My golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson."
    The only dumb question is the unasked question!

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  15. #1230
    MOA #24991 Pauls1150's Avatar
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    Just failed my driving test.
    When the examiner asked me "What sign would you expect to see on a narrow country road?",
    apparently "Fresh Eggs for Sale" wasn't the answer.

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