I'm ready for more jokes.

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is
assigned to helping the other monks in copying
the old canons and laws of the church, by hand.
He notices, however, that all the monks are
copying from copies, not from the original manuscript.
So, the new monk goes to the Old Abbot to question
this, pointing out that if someone made even a small
error in the first copy, it would never be picked up!
In fact, that error would be continued in all
the subsequent copies.
The head monk, says, "We have been copying
from the copies for centuries, but you make a
good point, my son."
He goes down into the dark caves
underneath the monastery where the original
manuscripts are held as archives,
in a locked vault that hasn't
been opened for hundreds of years.
Hours go by and nobody sees the Old Abbot.
So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him.
He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing.
"We missed the*R!
We missed the*R!
We missed the bloody*R!"
His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably.
The young monk asks the old Abbot, "What's wrong, father?"
With a choking voice, the old Abbot replies,
"The word was …
CELEBRATE!"

An old Holocaust survivor died of old age. At the pearly gates, the old fellow was greeted by god.
They were chatting and the recently deceased man told god a Holocaust joke.
Upon the conclusion of the joke, god told the man 'that's not funny."
The deceased man said to god " you had to be there."

A man walked into the ladies department and shyly walked up to
the woman behind the counter and said,
'I'd like to buy a bra for my wife. '
' What type of bra?' asked the clerk.
'Type?' inquires the man, 'There's more than one type?'
' Look around,' said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable.
'Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from.'
Relieved, the man asked about the types.
The saleslady replied:
'There are the Catholic, Salvation Army, Presbyterian, and the Baptist types.
Which one would you prefer?'
Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.
The Saleslady responded, 'It is all really quite simple.'
The Catholic type supports the masses;
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen;
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright;
The Baptist type makes mountains out of molehills.
Oh and
Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD , E, F, G, and H are the letters used
to define bra sizes?
If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!
{A} Almost Boobs.
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain.
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen
and I can't get up!

20774 said:

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Brilliant!

My dog might like that post...

Probably not a great idea but since it is National Donut Day-




OM

Guy walks into a bar and sees this beautiful voluptuous woman. He goes up to her and says, "You know...I can tell when you were born by feeling your breasts."

"Yeah, nice try buddy," she says.

"No, seriously," he says. "You know how some people can tell you about your life by reading your palm...Well, I can tell when you were born by feeling your breasts."

She must have had a couple of drinks already, because she gives in, saying "Alright, fine".

They move to a corner of the bar and he proceeds to feel her breasts. And after a little bit she says, "Okay, so tell me...When was I born?"

The guy says, "Ummm...Yesterday?"

Hmmm..

Me too....

20774 said:

Hmmm..

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I didn’t need to know this……feeling really old now.

Seems about right:

My mind is like an internet browser. At least 18 open tabs, 3 of them are frozen, and I have no clue where the music is coming from.

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...and I keep getting all these random pop-ups...

akbeemer said:

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Hehehe.

I once had a dream that I was a muffler.... I woke up exhausted.

What's the difference between a fisherman and a sailor? Crabs is good news for one, less so for the other.

Hmmm...