I'm ready for more jokes.

Why We Ride

WHY WE RIDE

A Zen teacher saw five of his students returning from the market, riding their bicycles. When they arrived at the monastery and had dismounted, the teacher asked the students, "Why are you riding your bicycles?"

The first student replied, "The bicycle is carrying the sack of potatoes. I am glad that I do not have to carry them on my back!" The teacher praised the first student, "You are a smart boy! When you grow old, you will not walk hunched over like I do."

The second student replied, "I love to watch the trees and fields pass by as I roll down the path!" The teacher commended the second student, "Your eyes are open, and you see the world."

The third student replied, "When I ride my bicycle, I am content to chant nam myoho renge kyo." The teacher gave praise to the third student, "Your mind will roll with the ease of a newly trued wheel."

The fourth student replied, "Riding my bicycle, I live in harmony with all sentient beings." The teacher was pleased, and said to the fourth student, "You are riding on the golden path of non-harming."

The fifth student replied, "I ride my bicycle to ride my bicycle." The teacher sat at the feet of the fifth student and said, "I am your student!"

With the casinos reopening, it has been reported that they will offer “curbside” service.
Just pull up to the curb and an attendant will be out to take your money and you can be safely on your way.
om

Repost

And another one

COMMANDMENTS FOR SENIORS
#1 - Talk to yourself. There are times you need expert advice.
#2 - “In Style” are the clothes that still fit.
#3 - You don't need anger management. You need people to stop
pissing you off.
#4 - Your people skills are just fine. It's your tolerance for idiots
that needs work.
#5 - The biggest lie you tell yourself is, “I don't need to write that
down. I'll remember it.”
#6 - “On time” is when you get there.
#7 - Even duct tape can't fix stupid - but it sure does muffle the sound.
#8 - It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for
ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller?
#9 - Lately, you've noticed people your age are so much older than you.
#10 - Growing old should have taken longer.
#11 - Aging has slowed you down, but it hasn't shut you up.
#12 - You still haven't learned to act your age and hope you never will.
And one more:
“One for the road” means using the restroom before you leave the house


Squeaky

An old Italian man lived alone in New Jersey. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work as the ground was hard.

His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,

I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year.

I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.

Love,
Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Pop,

Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.

Love,
Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.

That next day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Pop,

Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.

Love you,
Vinnie

I threw a boomerang a few years ago.





Now I live in constant fear.

I was in the McDonald’s drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn because I was taking too long to place my order.


“Take the high road,” I thought to myself. So when I got to the first window I paid for her order along with my own.



The cashier must have told her what I'd done, because as we moved up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed "Thank you", obviously embarrassed I had repaid her rudeness with a kindness.



When I got to the second window I showed them both receipts and took her food too.



Now she has to go back to the end of the line and start all over.



Don't honk your horn at old people.

^

The Pickle Factory

Morris works at the pickle factory. One day he comes home looking a bit odd. His wife asks if everything is OK. He tells her "All day long all I could think about was sticking my penis in the pickle slicer."

"Oh my God" She replied. "You're sick, you need to get help, go see a doctor!"

Morris declined seeing a doctor and seemed to have overcome his desires when one day he returns home from work early looking sweaty and ashen.

"What happened, why are you home?" she asked.

"Well do you remember when I said I wanted to put my penis in pickle slicer? Well I did it" Morris replied.

"Oh dear God, what happened!" She asked.

"Well I got fired"

"No, what happened with the pickle slicer?"

"Oh, they fired her too!"

Well, PeteM1965 - Welcome to the BMW MOA Forum. I've only been here a few years, but I don't recall anyone ever introducing themselves to the world of BMW motorcycle riding in this particular way. You could maybe try the "New Member's" area.

Anyway, here's something which I hope will bring a smile to more than a few faces. My wife of 52 years laughed a lot: https://mail-attachment.googleuserc...9SKPl8vGbh4ZIbUgvWVibZ3L6SuRMA42tp2lm1YFqmD78

ExGMan said:

Well, PeteM1965 - Welcome to the BMW MOA Forum. I've only been here a few years, but I don't recall anyone ever introducing themselves to the world of BMW motorcycle riding in this particular way. You could maybe try the "New Member's" area.

Anyway, here's something which I hope will bring a smile to more than a few faces. My wife of 52 years laughed a lot: https://mail-attachment.googleuserc...9SKPl8vGbh4ZIbUgvWVibZ3L6SuRMA42tp2lm1YFqmD78

Click to expand...

Your link requires Gmail.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.

On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. 'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, ' Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What’s the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'

Hey Pete! I thought your first post was great!

If life gives you melons...

You may be dyslexic.

1. Two antennae met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent



2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."



3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.



4. A dyslexic man walked into a bra.



5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."



6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"



7. "Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home."

"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.

"Is it common?"

"Well, It's Not Unusual."



8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."

"I don't believe you," says Dolly.

"It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy.



9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.



10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.



11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.



12. I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.



13. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.



14. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"



15. Two Inuit sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Not surprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.



16. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse.

"But why," they asked, as they moved off.

"Because," he said. "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."



17. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt, and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family in Spain ; they named him 'Juan.’



Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.



Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."



18. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) .. a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.



19. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.