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I'm ready for more jokes.
- Thread starter oldhway
- Start date
Darryl Cainey
Sir Darby
Polish Golf
Milo and Stosh are standing on the 18th tee at their Polish Country Club.
They are the final twosome in the Polish Country Club Championship and
are tied for the lead. The 18th hole is a beautiful par four with a deep
valley, descending down to a dogleg right.
Both Milo and Stosh hit long, straight tee shots which disappear down into
the valley. A short time later, the fore caddie appears at the top of the
hill and announces that both balls are within 6 inches of each other, but
there's a problem. Both of the golf balls are Titleist # 4s.
Milo and Stosh look at each other and realize that they had not informed
each other as to what kind of ball they were playing, nor its number. They
quickly descend into the valley and, sure enough, their two Titleist golf
balls are right next to each at the bottom of the valley in the middle of
the fairway.
Stosh looks at Milo and says, "We had better get a ruling from a tournament
official to straighten this out. This is the Polish Country Club
Championships and we don't want to be disqualified for making a mistake and
hitting the wrong ball. After all, we are tied for the lead."
Soon after, a rules official appears and examines the two # 4 Titleist golf
balls. He then looks up at Milo and Stosh and says,
“Which one of you is playing the orange ball...?”
Milo and Stosh are standing on the 18th tee at their Polish Country Club.
They are the final twosome in the Polish Country Club Championship and
are tied for the lead. The 18th hole is a beautiful par four with a deep
valley, descending down to a dogleg right.
Both Milo and Stosh hit long, straight tee shots which disappear down into
the valley. A short time later, the fore caddie appears at the top of the
hill and announces that both balls are within 6 inches of each other, but
there's a problem. Both of the golf balls are Titleist # 4s.
Milo and Stosh look at each other and realize that they had not informed
each other as to what kind of ball they were playing, nor its number. They
quickly descend into the valley and, sure enough, their two Titleist golf
balls are right next to each at the bottom of the valley in the middle of
the fairway.
Stosh looks at Milo and says, "We had better get a ruling from a tournament
official to straighten this out. This is the Polish Country Club
Championships and we don't want to be disqualified for making a mistake and
hitting the wrong ball. After all, we are tied for the lead."
Soon after, a rules official appears and examines the two # 4 Titleist golf
balls. He then looks up at Milo and Stosh and says,
“Which one of you is playing the orange ball...?”
pglaves
#13338
WalterK75
Active member
Paraprosdokians
Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence
or phrase is surprising or unexpected and is frequently humorous.
(Winston Churchill loved them.)
1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you.... but it's still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up.... we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right, only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
10. In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of emergency, notify..." I answered, "a doctor."
11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
13. I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
Stay Home ... Stay Safe ... Stay Well ... Keep in Touch
Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence
or phrase is surprising or unexpected and is frequently humorous.
(Winston Churchill loved them.)
1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you.... but it's still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up.... we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right, only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
10. In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of emergency, notify..." I answered, "a doctor."
11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
13. I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
Stay Home ... Stay Safe ... Stay Well ... Keep in Touch
pglaves
#13338
While riding my K1200LT, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.
Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?
As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low-cut blouse with a cleavage to die for.
"I'm okay I think." I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.
She said, "Get in and I'll take you home, so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head."
"That's nice of you," I answered, "But I don't think my wife will like me doing that!"
"Oh, come now, I'm a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."
Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."
We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."
Don't be silly!" she said with a smile. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"
"My guess is that she's still in the ditch."
Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?
As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low-cut blouse with a cleavage to die for.
"I'm okay I think." I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.
She said, "Get in and I'll take you home, so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head."
"That's nice of you," I answered, "But I don't think my wife will like me doing that!"
"Oh, come now, I'm a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."
Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."
We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."
Don't be silly!" she said with a smile. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"
"My guess is that she's still in the ditch."
bigjohnsd
'21 R1250 GS Adv
bullet
aka Johnny Hammerlane
Humba Yumba!!!
Beautiful eyes!!!
Beautiful eyes!!!
gsinnc
Well-known member
WalterK75
Active member
I talked with a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up this way.
He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all.
I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed,
I had a roof over my head,
I had HD TV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library.
I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical benefits coverage.
I felt sorry for him, so I asked, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?"
"Oh no, nothing like that," he said. "No, no...
"I was unexpectedly paroled".
He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all.
I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed,
I had a roof over my head,
I had HD TV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library.
I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical benefits coverage.
I felt sorry for him, so I asked, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?"
"Oh no, nothing like that," he said. "No, no...
"I was unexpectedly paroled".
squeaky4432
Squeaky
Here is another one
Joke: What kind of exercise do lazy people do?
Diddly-squats.
Squeaky
Joke: What kind of exercise do lazy people do?
Diddly-squats.
Squeaky
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