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I'm ready for more jokes.
- Thread starter oldhway
- Start date
bullet
aka Johnny Hammerlane
Not exactly a joke but this is a campfire, right...
Having been retired from the Correctional Service for about a month now and with the Covid thing going on I do have a lot of time on my hands lately.
I was reminiscing the other day about a limerick I wrote one time while on the job:
A C.O.'s thinking was way off
when he thought that a very nice payoff
would be to take
a nice day at the lake
but the Sergeant said:
"You're working your day off"
Having been retired from the Correctional Service for about a month now and with the Covid thing going on I do have a lot of time on my hands lately.
I was reminiscing the other day about a limerick I wrote one time while on the job:
A C.O.'s thinking was way off
when he thought that a very nice payoff
would be to take
a nice day at the lake
but the Sergeant said:
"You're working your day off"
squeaky4432
Squeaky
A real Belly Buster
I just bought a very tiny amphibian for a pet.
It's my-newt!
Squeaky
I just bought a very tiny amphibian for a pet.
It's my-newt!
Squeaky
36654
New member
gregfeeler
Dances With Sheep
akbeemer
SURVIVOR
I have a pet bug that is smaller than your newt - mine is insect-tesimal.
Boooooooooooo!
gregfeeler
Dances With Sheep
pglaves
#13338
An 80 year old man went to the doctor for a check-up and the doctor was amazed at what good shape the guy was in. The doctor asked, "To what do you attribute your good health?"
The old timer said, "I'm a biker and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight on Sundays and out sliding around corners, "shootin" sand washes and riding up and down the steepest, wildest mountains I can find at the crack of dawn."
The doctor said, "Well, I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your dad when he died?" The old biker said, "Who said my dad's dead?"
The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your dad's still alive? How old is he?"
The old biker said, "He's 99 years old and, in fact, he went riding with me this Sunday, and that's why he's still alive... he's a biker too."
The doctor said, "Well, that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it. How about your dad's dad? How old was he when he died?"
The old biker said, "Who said my grandpa's dead?"
The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living! How old is he?"
The old biker replied, "He's 117 years old."
The doctor was getting frustrated at this point and said, "I guess he went riding with you this Sunday too?"
The old timer said, "No... Grandpa couldn't go this week because he got married."
The Doctor said in amazement, "Got married!! Good Lord!!! Why would a 117-year-old guy want to get married?"
To this old biker smiled and answered,
"Who said he wanted to?"
The old timer said, "I'm a biker and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight on Sundays and out sliding around corners, "shootin" sand washes and riding up and down the steepest, wildest mountains I can find at the crack of dawn."
The doctor said, "Well, I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your dad when he died?" The old biker said, "Who said my dad's dead?"
The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your dad's still alive? How old is he?"
The old biker said, "He's 99 years old and, in fact, he went riding with me this Sunday, and that's why he's still alive... he's a biker too."
The doctor said, "Well, that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it. How about your dad's dad? How old was he when he died?"
The old biker said, "Who said my grandpa's dead?"
The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living! How old is he?"
The old biker replied, "He's 117 years old."
The doctor was getting frustrated at this point and said, "I guess he went riding with you this Sunday too?"
The old timer said, "No... Grandpa couldn't go this week because he got married."
The Doctor said in amazement, "Got married!! Good Lord!!! Why would a 117-year-old guy want to get married?"
To this old biker smiled and answered,
"Who said he wanted to?"
squeaky4432
Squeaky
Another Belly Buster
What happens when frogs park illegally?
They get toad.
Squeaky
What happens when frogs park illegally?
They get toad.
Squeaky
gsaddict
Pepperfool
Thompson Energy analysis - UNDERSTANDING Crude Oil trading at minus -$37
Imagine the following scenario: You pay $500 today and commit to receiving a hooker at your house in 15 days because your wife will be traveling. This is called a Futures Contract.
Unfortunately, lockdown came and you are locked down with your wife at home for the next 60 days. This is called “now you are ****ed,” and you cannot fulfill the escort company's Futures Contract.
So now you do not want this woman to show up at your house at all, and try to find anyone of your friends to pass off this futures contract, any neighbours or, anybody. But you find no takers because now everybody is under lockdown with their wives and families. You find you cannot sell this hooker commitment because nobody can take delivery of the girl, and there is no where to stash her. Nobody can receive the hooker at home anymore. Everyone is in full storage.
To make matters worse, not even the pimp (Chicago Mercantile exchange) who sold you the hooker contract has more room to receive girls because his house is full of girls out of work under lockdown.
So now you will have to pay anyone just to take the girl off your hands. So someone tells you I will take the girl off your hands but you pay me $37 to do it.
This is called negative price when you deliver the girl that cost you $500 to the willing buyer and pay him $37 to take delivery.
Got it? This in a nutshell is what happened to the Oil Futures Market last week.
Imagine the following scenario: You pay $500 today and commit to receiving a hooker at your house in 15 days because your wife will be traveling. This is called a Futures Contract.
Unfortunately, lockdown came and you are locked down with your wife at home for the next 60 days. This is called “now you are ****ed,” and you cannot fulfill the escort company's Futures Contract.
So now you do not want this woman to show up at your house at all, and try to find anyone of your friends to pass off this futures contract, any neighbours or, anybody. But you find no takers because now everybody is under lockdown with their wives and families. You find you cannot sell this hooker commitment because nobody can take delivery of the girl, and there is no where to stash her. Nobody can receive the hooker at home anymore. Everyone is in full storage.
To make matters worse, not even the pimp (Chicago Mercantile exchange) who sold you the hooker contract has more room to receive girls because his house is full of girls out of work under lockdown.
So now you will have to pay anyone just to take the girl off your hands. So someone tells you I will take the girl off your hands but you pay me $37 to do it.
This is called negative price when you deliver the girl that cost you $500 to the willing buyer and pay him $37 to take delivery.
Got it? This in a nutshell is what happened to the Oil Futures Market last week.
akbeemer
SURVIVOR
Wait!!!! You can't stop there. What happened when the hooker appeared at the front door and the wife answered? This has the potential to be a Penthouse Letters story.... or a True Crimes special edition. What happened? And what about the poor pimp stuck in a house of unemployed working girls. Did they slice and dice him? For crying out loud, complete this tale.
Last edited:
gsaddict
Pepperfool
gregfeeler
Dances With Sheep
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