I'm ready for more jokes.

[20774]

There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. Only a fraction of people will find this funny.

[ksdcr]

A cowboy, who just moved to Montana from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud.
He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy,
"You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it.
It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers.
One is in Arizona, the other is in Colorado.
When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.
So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.
He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs.
All the regulars take notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my
condolences on your loss."
The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.
"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains.
"It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."
“It hasn't affected my brothers though."
__________________

[Omega Man]

OM

[akbeemer]

[henzilla]

Screenshot 2023-11-28 at 11.14.43 AM.jpeg

[Visian]

fwiw, that MX bike now goes for about $10,500

[GREGFEELER]

fwiw, that MX bike now goes for about $10,500

There's really no natural limits to how much people will pay for "premium" products if they are spending disposable income in pursuit of a passion.

[ksdcr]

The young husband is in the garage polishing his E Type (name your car/ motorbike)

and the young wife comes in and says:

“Gee dear. Now that we’re married perhaps we should sell the Jag and get a more practical car.”

The husband keeps polishing and without looking up says; “Gosh dear, you’re beginning to sound like my ex-wife”.

“You didn’t tell me you were married before!” she exclaimed.

“I wasn’t,” he responded.

[akbeemer]

[20774]

golf.jpg

[akbeemer]

[Pauls1150]

But, Dr. Nick, what happened to your other fingers???

[ksdcr]

TIPS FROM THE WONDER LAKE BOOK OF MANNERS

Never take a beer to a job interview.

Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.

It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.

If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.

Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.

DINING OUT
If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.

Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
A centerpiece for the table should never be

anything prepared by a taxidermist.

Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.

PERSONAL HYGIENE
While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.

Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.

Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.

DATING: (OUTSIDE THE FAMILY)
Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.

Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: 'I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the restroom wall two years ago.'

Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say Monday.' If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.

Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such as, 'Ya'll sure don't sweat much for a fat gal.'

WEDDINGS
Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.

Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.

For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance.

Though uncomfortable, say 'yes' to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack.

DRIVING ETIQUETTE
Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.

When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.

Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.

When sending your wife/girlfriend down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.

Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.

Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

TWO REASONS WHY IT IS HARD TO SOLVE A REDNECK MURDER:
All the DNA is the same.

There are no dental records.