I'm ready for more jokes.

[Paul_F]

Unless of course you are a mod then you can pretty much get away with anything.

Now was that a joke or what.

So it seems.

[GlobalRider]

This was priceless...

PM New Residence.jpg

[ksdcr]

1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
2. To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.
3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.
4. It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.
5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
6. When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
8. I had my patience tested. I'm negative.
9. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.
10. If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"
11. When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.
12. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.
13. I run like the winded.
14. I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.
15. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"
16. When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
17. I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
18. When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east."
19. Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.
20. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.
21. My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.

[PGlaves]

1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
2. To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.
3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.
4. It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.
5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
6. When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
8. I had my patience tested. I'm negative.
9. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.
10. If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"
11. When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.
12. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.
13. I run like the winded.
14. I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.
15. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"
16. When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
17. I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
18. When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east."
19. Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.
20. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.
21. My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.

3, 5, 6, 7, 13, 16, 17, and 21

[ksdcr]

A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by.
He gets in, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing.
You're just like Frank."
The passenger asks "Who?" The cabbie says "Frank Feldman."
There's a guy who did everything right.
Like my coming along when you needed a cab.
It would have happened like that to Frank every single time." Passenger: "Yeah.
But there are always a few clouds over everybody" Cabbie says "Not Frank.'
He was a terrific athlete.
He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis.
He could golf with the pros.
He sang like an opera baritone, danced like a Broadway star, and you should have heard him play the piano."
The passenger replies "Sounds like he was something really special" Cab driver responds "There's more... he had a mind like a computer.
Could remember everybody's birthday.
He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat with.
He could fix anything. Not like me.
I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out."
Passenger: "Wow, some incredible guy"
The cabbie goes "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams, not like me. I always seem to get stuck in them."
"Passenger: "Mmm, there's not many like him around."
Cabbie: "And he knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. And he'd never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too."
Passenger: "An amazing fellow How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank."
Passenger: "Then how do you know so much about him?"
Cabbie: "I married his f&%king widow..."

[20774]

If you have a Tesla car, do not go down a dead-end street.

You might get stuck in there with no outlet.

[Pauls1150]

...and watt, they were powerless to do anything about it, they couldn't even go ohm.

[EUGENE]

Pretty good electrician joke::brad

[langoptc]

A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by.
He gets in, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing.
You're just like Frank."
The passenger asks "Who?" The cabbie says "Frank Feldman."
There's a guy who did everything right.
Like my coming along when you needed a cab.
It would have happened like that to Frank every single time." Passenger: "Yeah.
But there are always a few clouds over everybody" Cabbie says "Not Frank.'
He was a terrific athlete.
He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis.
He could golf with the pros.
He sang like an opera baritone, danced like a Broadway star, and you should have heard him play the piano."
The passenger replies "Sounds like he was something really special" Cab driver responds "There's more... he had a mind like a computer.
Could remember everybody's birthday.
He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat with.
He could fix anything. Not like me.
I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out."
Passenger: "Wow, some incredible guy"
The cabbie goes "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams, not like me. I always seem to get stuck in them."
"Passenger: "Mmm, there's not many like him around."
Cabbie: "And he knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. And he'd never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too."
Passenger: "An amazing fellow How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank."
Passenger: "Then how do you know so much about him?"
Cabbie: "I married his f&%king widow..."

Good one!

[ksdcr]

How many internet forum members does it takes to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs

1 to move it to the Lighting section

2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section

7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs

5 to flame the spell checkers

3 to correct spelling/grammar flames

6 to argue over whether it's lightbulb or light bulb ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is lamp

15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that light bulb is perfectly correct

19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum

11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum

36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty

7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs

4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's

3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group

13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add Me too

5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy

4 to say didn't we go through this already a short time ago?

13 to say do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs

1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.

1 mod to lock it down after it goes off-track for the nth time...

[GREGFEELER]

How many internet forum members does it takes to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs

1 to move it to the Lighting section

2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section

7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs

5 to flame the spell checkers

3 to correct spelling/grammar flames

6 to argue over whether it's lightbulb or light bulb ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is lamp

15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that light bulb is perfectly correct

19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum

11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum

36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty

7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs

4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's

3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group

13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add Me too

5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy

4 to say didn't we go through this already a short time ago?

13 to say do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs

1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.

1 mod to lock it down after it goes off-track for the nth time...

TRUTH! This is freakin' brilliant!

[rangerreece]

Sir, well played… well played.

[mikegalbicka]

How many internet forum members does it takes to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs

1 to move it to the Lighting section

2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section

7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs

5 to flame the spell checkers

3 to correct spelling/grammar flames

6 to argue over whether it's lightbulb or light bulb ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is lamp

15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that light bulb is perfectly correct

19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum

11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum

36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty

7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs

4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's

3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group

13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add Me too

5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy

4 to say didn't we go through this already a short time ago?

13 to say do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs

1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.

1 mod to lock it down after it goes off-track for the nth time...

This would be hilarious - if only it weren't so stinkin true.

[GSAddict]

^^^^
Nailed it

[Pauls1150]

1 QA to witness the change

1 OSHA inspector to verify that it was done... with the correct part, and correctly installed

1 (minimum) EPA representative to research and subsequently report on the effect to local wildlife of changing the bulb

1 manager to take the credit at the next staff meeting

How many to brace the ladder?