• Welcome, Guest! We hope you enjoy the excellent technical knowledge, event information and discussions that the BMW MOA forum provides. Some forum content will be hidden from you if you remain logged out. If you want to view all content, please click the 'Log in' button above and enter your BMW MOA username and password.

    If you are not an MOA member, why not take the time to join the club, so you can enjoy posting on the forum, the BMW Owners News magazine, and all of the discounts and benefits the BMW MOA offers?

I'm ready for more jokes.

Eating In The Fifties.............

Pasta had not been invented. It was macaroni or spaghetti.
Brunch was not a meal.
Eating raw fish would have been called poverty not sushi.
Brown bread was something only poor people ate.
Oil was for lubricating, fat was for cooking.
Bread and jam was a treat.
Rice was used in a pudding and never, ever a part of our dinner.
A Big Mac was what we wore when it was raining.
Curry was a surname.
Taco? Never saw one till I was 15.
Pizza? Sounds like a leaning tower somewhere.
Bananas and oranges only appeared at Christmas time.
All chips were plain.
Tea was made in a teapot using tea leaves and never green.
Cubed sugar was regarded as posh.
Chickens didn't have fingers in those days.
None of us had ever heard of yogurt.
Healthy food consisted of anything edible!
Cooking outside was called camping.
Seaweed was not a recognized food.
"Kebab" was not even a word, never mind a food.
Sugar enjoyed a good press in those days, and was regarded as being white gold.
Prunes were medicinal and stewed.
Surprisingly Muesli was readily available. It was called cattle feed.
Pineapples came in chunks or were round with a hole in the middle, in a tin; We had only seen a picture of a real one.
Water came out of the tap. If someone had suggested bottling it and charging more than gasoline for it, they would have become a laughing stock.

There were three things that we never ever had on/at our table in the fifties..............
ELBOWS, HATS AND CELL PHONES!
..........and there was always two choices for each meal.........
"Take it!" or "Leave it!"
 
Bees

Two Bees are flying along. One looks over at the other and notices he is wearing a yarmulke. "Hey," the first one says, "why are you wearing that?" "Oh" says the second one, "I don't want anyone to think that I am a wasp!"
 
So one day, Gramma sent her grandson, Johnny, down to the old waterhole for some water to cook dinner.
As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him.
He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Gramma's kitchen.

"Well now, where's my bucket and my water?" Gramma asked him.

"I can't get any water from that water hole, Gramma" exclaimed Johnny.
"There's a BIG ol' alligator down there!"

"Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!"

"Well, Gramma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"
 
Found on ADV....

Son: Dad, please buy my a motorbike for my birthday.

Father: No son, I'll rather buy you a violin.

Son: Please dad, I want a motorbike!

Father: Son, it's better to be a musician than a biker.

Son: OK then, give me the violin if you insist.

After a long while and many music lessons, the father asks: " Son, show me what you've learnt thus far."

Son says, "No problem dad." ................................


<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/MscqG-Hnm78" frameborder="0" allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen></iframe>
 
A man leaves home on foot one evening, makes three left turns and arrives back home to find two masked men waiting there.
Who are they?
 
All the good knights were leaving for the Crusades.

One knight called his best friend over to his quarters and said, “My bride is without doubt one of the most beautiful women in the world. It would be a terrible waste if no man could have her. Therefore, as my best and most trusted friend, I am leaving you the key to her chastity belt to use should I not return from the Crusade in five years.”

The company of knights were only a mile or so out of town when they noticed a cloud of dust approaching.

Thinking it might be an important message from the town the column halted. A horseman approached. It was the knight’s best friend. When he caught his breath, he exclaimed, “You gave me the wrong key!!”
 
A mother was teaching her young daughter how to roast a turkey for Thanksgiving Dinner. She finished by saying “ and you cut this part off before putting it in the pan”. To which the young daughter asked “why do you cut that part off ?”. The mother replied that she didn’t know why, but that’s the way she was taught. She thought for a moment and said “we need to ask my Mother”.

They asked the young girls Grandmother and she said she didn’t know why either, but that’s the way she learned to do it too.

Then the Grandmother said “we will ask my Mother when she gets here”. So when the young girls Great Grandmother arrived they all asked her why she cut that piece of the turkey off before putting it in the pan.

She replied “ It wouldn’t fit in the pan “.
 
A man saw a little boy who had fixed up his wagon like a fire truck and his dog was pulling it.

The man said “You could probably go a lot faster if you didn’t have that string tied to your dogs testicles”.

To which the little boy replied “That’s true but then I wouldn’t have a siren”.


Charlie
 
Danny sets up Andy to go on a blind date with Shirley, a friend of his. But Andy is a little worried about going out with someone he has never seen before.

“What do I do if she’s ugly?” says Andy, “I’ll be stuck with her all night.”

“Don’t worry.” Danny says. “Just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, and then everything goes as planned. If you don’t, just grab your throat, shout Aaauuuggghhh! And fake an asthma attack.”

So that night, Andy knocks at Shirley’s door, and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she is. Andy’s about to speak when the girl suddenly grabs her throat and shouts, “Aaauuuggghhh!”
 
Halloween

I was walking home last night and decided to take a short-cut through the cemetery.

Three girls walked up to me and explained that they were too scared to walk near the cemetery at night, so I agreed to let let them walk along with me. I told them, "I understand... I used to get freaked out too when I was alive."

Never seen anyone run so fast.
 
Back
Top