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Thread: I'm ready for more jokes.

  1. #736

    Travel

    I have been in many places, but I've never been in Kahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Kahoots with someone.



    I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there. Lots of fun!




    I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my spouse, children, friends, family and work.



    I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore, especially with heights.





    I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.



    I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.





    Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.



    One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!





    I may have been in Continent, but I don't remember what country I was in. It's an age thing. They tell me it is very wet and damp there.

  2. #737
    Liaison 20774's Avatar
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    Little Larry's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals.

    One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes", said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him."

    Larry asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"
    Kurt -- Forum Liaison ---> Resources and Links Thread <---
    '78 R100/7 & '69 R69S & '52 R25/2
    mine-ineye-deatheah-pielayah-jooa-kalayus. oolah-minane-hay-meeriah-kal-oyus-algay-a-thaykin', buddy!

  3. #738
    Liaison 20774's Avatar
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    Kurt -- Forum Liaison ---> Resources and Links Thread <---
    '78 R100/7 & '69 R69S & '52 R25/2
    mine-ineye-deatheah-pielayah-jooa-kalayus. oolah-minane-hay-meeriah-kal-oyus-algay-a-thaykin', buddy!

  4. #739
    Sir Darby Darryl Cainey's Avatar
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    A farmer had 5 female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take
    them to the county fair and sell them. At the fair, he met another farmer who
    owned 5 male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split
    everything 50/50.

    The farmers lived 60 miles apart, so they decided to drive 30 miles each morning
    and find a field in which to let the pigs mate. The first morning, the farmer with
    the female pigs got up at 5 am, loaded the pigs into the family station wagon,
    (which was the only vehicle he had) and drove the thirty miles. While the pigs were
    mating, he asked the other farmer, "How will I know if they are pregnant?"

    The other farmer replied, "If they're lying in the grass tomorrow
    morning, they'll be pregnant. If they're lying in the mud, they're not."

    The next morning the pigs were rolling in the mud, so he hosed them off,
    loaded them into the family station wagon again and proceeded to try again.
    This continued each morning for more than a week and both farmers were worn out.

    The next morning he was too tired to get out of bed. He called to his
    wife, " Honey, please look outside and tell me whether the pigs are in the mud or in
    the grass."

    "Neither," yelled his wife, "they're in the station wagon. And one
    of them is honking the horn."
    Ambassador Emeritus BMW MOA Ontario Canada
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  5. #740
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    Tree Rats


  6. #741
    Registered User WalterK75's Avatar
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    Eating In The Fifties.............

    Pasta had not been invented. It was macaroni or spaghetti.
    Brunch was not a meal.
    Eating raw fish would have been called poverty not sushi.
    Brown bread was something only poor people ate.
    Oil was for lubricating, fat was for cooking.
    Bread and jam was a treat.
    Rice was used in a pudding and never, ever a part of our dinner.
    A Big Mac was what we wore when it was raining.
    Curry was a surname.
    Taco? Never saw one till I was 15.
    Pizza? Sounds like a leaning tower somewhere.
    Bananas and oranges only appeared at Christmas time.
    All chips were plain.
    Tea was made in a teapot using tea leaves and never green.
    Cubed sugar was regarded as posh.
    Chickens didn't have fingers in those days.
    None of us had ever heard of yogurt.
    Healthy food consisted of anything edible!
    Cooking outside was called camping.
    Seaweed was not a recognized food.
    "Kebab" was not even a word, never mind a food.
    Sugar enjoyed a good press in those days, and was regarded as being white gold.
    Prunes were medicinal and stewed.
    Surprisingly Muesli was readily available. It was called cattle feed.
    Pineapples came in chunks or were round with a hole in the middle, in a tin; We had only seen a picture of a real one.
    Water came out of the tap. If someone had suggested bottling it and charging more than gasoline for it, they would have become a laughing stock.

    There were three things that we never ever had on/at our table in the fifties..............
    ELBOWS, HATS AND CELL PHONES!
    ..........and there was always two choices for each meal.........
    "Take it!" or "Leave it!"
    Walter

    Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under.
    H. L. Mencken

  7. #742

  8. #743
    Registered User ExGMan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 179212 View Post
    As you might imagine, there's a WikiPedia reference to "post turtles." See: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post_turtle
    John Gamel
    2015 Ebony Metallic R1200RT
    BMW CCA 2006 - Present; BMW MOA 2009-Present
    Walt Kelly: "We have met the enemy, and he is us."

  9. #744
    Quote Originally Posted by 179212 View Post
    Amen brother. Usually a lawyer or real estate agent unable to make a real living so they go into politics. They get a salary but still can be a total doofus and do OK on their political payroll. As a 32 year public servant I had to endure a lot of these fools. May God have mercy upon our souls.
    Paul Glaves - "Big Bend", Texas U.S.A
    "The greatest challenge to any thinker is stating the problem in a way that will allow a solution." - Bertrand Russell
    http://web.bigbend.net/~glaves/

  10. #745

    Bees

    Two Bees are flying along. One looks over at the other and notices he is wearing a yarmulke. "Hey," the first one says, "why are you wearing that?" "Oh" says the second one, "I don't want anyone to think that I am a wasp!"

  11. #746
    Registered User WalterK75's Avatar
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    Walter

    Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under.
    H. L. Mencken

  12. #747
    MOA #24991 Pauls1150's Avatar
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    bees

    oooo, that stung!

  13. #748
    MOA #24991 Pauls1150's Avatar
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    So one day, Gramma sent her grandson, Johnny, down to the old waterhole for some water to cook dinner.
    As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him.
    He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Gramma's kitchen.

    "Well now, where's my bucket and my water?" Gramma asked him.

    "I can't get any water from that water hole, Gramma" exclaimed Johnny.
    "There's a BIG ol' alligator down there!"

    "Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!"

    "Well, Gramma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"

  14. #749
    Found on ADV....

    Son: Dad, please buy my a motorbike for my birthday.

    Father: No son, I'll rather buy you a violin.

    Son: Please dad, I want a motorbike!

    Father: Son, it's better to be a musician than a biker.

    Son: OK then, give me the violin if you insist.

    After a long while and many music lessons, the father asks: " Son, show me what you've learnt thus far."

    Son says, "No problem dad." ................................



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