Page 68 of 68 FirstFirst ... 18 58 66 67 68
Results 1,006 to 1,015 of 1015

Thread: I'm ready for more jokes.

  1. #1006
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Location
    Central Illinois
    Posts
    2,392

  2. #1007
    Squeaky squeaky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Wentzville, Mo
    Posts
    140

    And another one

    COMMANDMENTS FOR SENIORS
    #1 - Talk to yourself. There are times you need expert advice.
    #2 - “In Style” are the clothes that still fit.
    #3 - You don't need anger management. You need people to stop
    pissing you off.
    #4 - Your people skills are just fine. It's your tolerance for idiots
    that needs work.
    #5 - The biggest lie you tell yourself is, “I don't need to write that
    down. I'll remember it.”
    #6 - “On time” is when you get there.
    #7 - Even duct tape can't fix stupid - but it sure does muffle the sound.
    #8 - It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for
    ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller?
    #9 - Lately, you've noticed people your age are so much older than you.
    #10 - Growing old should have taken longer.
    #11 - Aging has slowed you down, but it hasn't shut you up.
    #12 - You still haven't learned to act your age and hope you never will.
    And one more:
    “One for the road” means using the restroom before you leave the house


    Squeaky

  3. #1008
    Registered User WalterK75's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    Mississauga, Ontario
    Posts
    956
    An old Italian man lived alone in New Jersey. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work as the ground was hard.

    His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

    Dear Vincent,

    I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year.

    I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.

    Love,
    Papa

    A few days later he received a letter from his son.

    Dear Pop,

    Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.

    Love,
    Vinnie

    At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.

    That next day the old man received another letter from his son.

    Dear Pop,

    Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.

    Love you,
    Vinnie
    Walter

    "Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under."
    H. L. Mencken

  4. #1009
    Registered User detbmw's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Deep East Texas
    Posts
    236
    I threw a boomerang a few years ago.





    Now I live in constant fear.
    Rich
    2001 R1150GS, 1988 K75S
    East Texas BMW+ Motorcycle Club
    Texas National Picnic, Jacksonville TX, 3rd Saturday in April

  5. #1010
    I was in the McDonald’s drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn because I was taking too long to place my order.


    “Take the high road,” I thought to myself. So when I got to the first window I paid for her order along with my own.



    The cashier must have told her what I'd done, because as we moved up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed "Thank you", obviously embarrassed I had repaid her rudeness with a kindness.



    When I got to the second window I showed them both receipts and took her food too.



    Now she has to go back to the end of the line and start all over.



    Don't honk your horn at old people.

  6. #1011
    Registered User RIDERR1150GSADV's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Location
    S.Florida
    Posts
    1,231
    ^
    MOA # 108516
    Current ride 2018 R1200 GSA Triple Black
    Past rides '04 R1150RT, '05 K1200LT, '06 R1150GSA, ‘17 R1200RT

  7. #1012

  8. #1013

    The Pickle Factory

    Morris works at the pickle factory. One day he comes home looking a bit odd. His wife asks if everything is OK. He tells her "All day long all I could think about was sticking my penis in the pickle slicer."

    "Oh my God" She replied. "You're sick, you need to get help, go see a doctor!"

    Morris declined seeing a doctor and seemed to have overcome his desires when one day he returns home from work early looking sweaty and ashen.

    "What happened, why are you home?" she asked.

    "Well do you remember when I said I wanted to put my penis in pickle slicer? Well I did it" Morris replied.

    "Oh dear God, what happened!" She asked.

    "Well I got fired"

    "No, what happened with the pickle slicer?"

    "Oh, they fired her too!"

  9. #1014
    Registered User ExGMan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Chestnut Hill, MA
    Posts
    1,881
    Well, PeteM1965 - Welcome to the BMW MOA Forum. I've only been here a few years, but I don't recall anyone ever introducing themselves to the world of BMW motorcycle riding in this particular way. You could maybe try the "New Member's" area.

    Anyway, here's something which I hope will bring a smile to more than a few faces. My wife of 52 years laughed a lot: https://mail-attachment.googleuserco...2tp2lm1YFqmD78
    John Gamel - BMW MOA Consumer Liaison
    2015 Ebony Metallic R1200RT
    MOA #153274
    "We have met the enemy, and he is us." Pogo/via Walt Kelly

  10. #1015
    Quote Originally Posted by ExGMan View Post
    Well, PeteM1965 - Welcome to the BMW MOA Forum. I've only been here a few years, but I don't recall anyone ever introducing themselves to the world of BMW motorcycle riding in this particular way. You could maybe try the "New Member's" area.

    Anyway, here's something which I hope will bring a smile to more than a few faces. My wife of 52 years laughed a lot: https://mail-attachment.googleuserco...2tp2lm1YFqmD78
    Your link requires Gmail.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •