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Thread: I'm ready for more jokes.

  1. #841
    Liaison 20774's Avatar
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    Recent news reports have indicated that the widespread issues with the coronavirus have no connection to a certain Mexican beer. But after seeing this, I'm not so sure!

    corona.jpg
    Kurt -- Forum Liaison ---> Resources and Links Thread <---
    '78 R100/7 & '69 R69S & '52 R25/2
    mine-ineye-deatheah-pielayah-jooa-kalayus. oolah-minane-hay-meeriah-kal-oyus-algay-a-thaykin', buddy!

  2. #842
    Watch This!!! junkjohn's Avatar
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    Who loves you more, your wife or your dog?
    To find out, lock both of them in the trunk of your car.
    Wait about an hour.
    Which one is happy to see you when you let them out.
    John Simonds
    2017 R 1200 GS Adventure
    1975 Norton Commando 850 Roadster Mk 3
    If it ain't broke, fix it 'till it is.

  3. #843
    Liaison 20774's Avatar
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    I didn't see this coming. Ooops...sorry!

    CantSee.jpg
    Kurt -- Forum Liaison ---> Resources and Links Thread <---
    '78 R100/7 & '69 R69S & '52 R25/2
    mine-ineye-deatheah-pielayah-jooa-kalayus. oolah-minane-hay-meeriah-kal-oyus-algay-a-thaykin', buddy!

  4. #844

  5. #845

  6. #846
    Liaison 20774's Avatar
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    Traffic Camera

    A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera. He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knew that he was not speeding... Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera again flashed. He tried a fourth time with the same result.. He did this a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail's pace... Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt.
    Kurt -- Forum Liaison ---> Resources and Links Thread <---
    '78 R100/7 & '69 R69S & '52 R25/2
    mine-ineye-deatheah-pielayah-jooa-kalayus. oolah-minane-hay-meeriah-kal-oyus-algay-a-thaykin', buddy!

  7. #847
    Liaison 20774's Avatar
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    While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6.

    He thought about it for some time then said 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.'
    Kurt -- Forum Liaison ---> Resources and Links Thread <---
    '78 R100/7 & '69 R69S & '52 R25/2
    mine-ineye-deatheah-pielayah-jooa-kalayus. oolah-minane-hay-meeriah-kal-oyus-algay-a-thaykin', buddy!

  8. #848
    SURVIVOR akbeemer's Avatar
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    Demon cat.....

    Kevin Huddy
    The Outpost, Silver City, Montana

  9. #849
    Watch This!!! junkjohn's Avatar
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    Did you hear about the two bleach blondes who froze to death at the drive-in this winter?
    They went to see "Closed for the season"
    John Simonds
    2017 R 1200 GS Adventure
    1975 Norton Commando 850 Roadster Mk 3
    If it ain't broke, fix it 'till it is.

  10. #850

  11. #851
    SURVIVOR akbeemer's Avatar
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    As grandparents who regularly care for our grandchildren, this one hit close to home......

    Overheard from another room:

    Six year old: “Grandma, can I have an ice cream sandwich?”

    Grandma: “Did you finish your lunch?”

    Six year old: “No”.

    Grandma: “Just one then”.
    Kevin Huddy
    The Outpost, Silver City, Montana

  12. #852
    not so retired henzilla's Avatar
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    Got pulled over the other day and the officer asked if I had a police record.

    Seems my answer of “ yes I do, Syncronicity” apparently wasn’t the correct answer and I got the ticket.
    Steve Henson-Mod Team and SABMWRA Prez

    Be decisive, right or wrong.The road of life is paved with
    flat squirrels who couldn't make a decision~unknown

  13. #853
    MOA #24991 Pauls1150's Avatar
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    Did it sting...?

  14. #854
    The madam opened the brothel door in Glasgow and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good- looking man in his late forties or early fifties

    "May I help you sir?" she asked.

    The man replied, "I want to see Suzy."

    "Sir, Suzy is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else" , said the madam.

    He replied, "No, I must see Suzy."

    Just then, Suzy appeared and announced to the man she charged 5,000 a night.

    Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand pounds and gave it to Suzy, and they went upstairs.

    The next morning, the man left.

    The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Suzy.

    Suzy explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive.

    "There are no discounts.. The price is still 5000."

    Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Suzy, and they went upstairs.

    The next morning, he left.

    The following night the man was there yet again.

    Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Suzy and they went upstairs.

    After their session, Suzy said to the man, "No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?"


    The man replied, " Edinburgh."

    "Really," she said. "I have family in Edinburgh .."

    "I know." the man said.. "Your sister died, and I am her Lawyer.
    She asked me to give you your 15,000 inheritance."

    The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:
    1. Death
    2. Taxes
    3. Being screwed by a lawyer

  15. #855
    SURVIVOR akbeemer's Avatar
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    Kevin Huddy
    The Outpost, Silver City, Montana

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