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Thread: I'm ready for more jokes.

  1. #811
    Registered User dieselyoda's Avatar
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    AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

    1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic.
    Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat
    and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

    2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing
    vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while
    you chop away.

    3. Avoid arguments with the little woman about lifting
    the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

    4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut
    yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing
    the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

    5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock,
    will prevent you from rolling over and going back to
    sleep after you hit the snooze button.

    6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of
    laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

    7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a
    hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

    Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of
    life really are:

    You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it
    doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it
    shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

    Remember:

    Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

    Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

    If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.

    And finally, be really nice to your family and
    friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan

    LIFE IS NOT MEASURED BY THE BREATHS WE TAKE;
    BUT BY THE MOMENTS THAT TAKE OUR BREATH AWAY!
    1997 R1100RT, 1981 KZ 440 LTD, R80RT, R90/6 sidecar, K1100RS,1983 K100RS (Cafe now)

    “The major civilizing force in the world is not religion, it is sex.”

  2. #812
    Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by akbeemer View Post
    Ha! Still as funny as when I posted the same joke three post earlier.
    The good thing about Alzeimers is you keep meeting new people and hearing new jokes...hear about the couple that go to a marriage counselor? I forget the rest but the punchline is "my truck"

  3. #813
    SURVIVOR akbeemer's Avatar
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    One book and one DVD and you’re set.
    Kevin Huddy
    The Outpost, Silver City, Montana

  4. #814
    Registered User WalterK75's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by akbeemer View Post
    Ha! Still as funny as when I posted the same joke three post earlier.
    Sorry about that. Another senior's moment.
    Walter

    "Sometimes I wonder if the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it." Mark Twain

  5. #815
    Did anybody hear the one about the couple that went to the marriage counselor? He asked ...
    Paul Glaves - "Big Bend", Texas U.S.A
    "The greatest challenge to any thinker is stating the problem in a way that will allow a solution." - Bertrand Russell
    http://web.bigbend.net/~glaves/

  6. #816
    Back in the saddle again mikegalbicka's Avatar
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    Sounds familiar but I can't seem to remember

  7. #817
    not so retired henzilla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by akbeemer View Post
    One book and one DVD and you’re set.
    Coffee spewing worthy
    Steve Henson-Mod Team and SABMWRA Prez

    Be decisive, right or wrong.The road of life is paved with
    flat squirrels who couldn't make a decision~unknown

  8. #818
    Pepperfool GSAddict's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rick601 View Post
    The good thing about Alzeimers is you keep meeting new people and hearing new jokes...hear about the couple that go to a marriage counselor? I forget the rest but the punchline is "my truck"
    And you can hide your own Easter Eggs!
    '
    Ufda happens..........

    Need your R11xx Hall sensor rewired? PM me.

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