I'm ready for more jokes.

[mcmxcivrs]

1 QA to witness the change

1 OSHA inspector to verify that it was done... with the correct part, and correctly installed

1 (minimum) EPA representative to research and subsequently report on the effect to local wildlife of changing the bulb

1 manager to take the credit at the next staff meeting

How many to brace the ladder?

OSHA inspector determined climbing ladders to change light bulbs is an unsafe work practice. All light bulbs above 3meters (ten feet) must be accessed by a platform lift with appropriate fall protection harnesses. All ladders of more than 2m (six feet) in height to be removed from the workplace...


except for the ones on the actual fire apparatus parked in the fire station where this order actually was issued.

[Pauls1150]

Ha! I've actually had "Elevated Work Platform" training, and had to get it renewed annually.
Of course this was all after I had climbed a few cooling towers at a generating station and a few antenna towers for commercial broadcast...

[rangerreece]

OSHA inspector determined climbing ladders to change light bulbs is an unsafe work practice. All light bulbs above 3meters (ten feet) must be accessed by a platform lift with appropriate fall protection harnesses. All ladders of more than 2m (six feet) in height to be removed from the workplace...


except for the ones on the actual fire apparatus parked in the fire station where this order actually was issued.

I recently became OSHA 511 certified. Ironic. There will be no ladders or lightbulbs at the rally!

[88bmwjeff]

I in Team.jpg

[akbeemer]

Try it, it works.

[langoptc]

I in Team.jpg

Or a slightly different version...

There is no "I" in TEAM but there is an "M" and "E".

[Darryl Cainey]

Sometimes it DOES take a Rocket Scientist!! (true story ?!)



Scientists at Rolls Royce built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners and military jets all travelling at maximum velocity.

The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.

American engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the Windshields of their new high speed trains..

Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the American engineers.

When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's back-rest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin like an arrow shot from a bow..

The horrified Yanks sent Rolls Royce the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the British scientists for suggestions.



You're going to love this......



Rolls Royce responded with a one-line memo:



"Defrost the chicken."

[akbeemer]

[detbmw]

Try it, it works.

Also works for dog.

You’re welcome.

[akbeemer]

A farmer named Arnie had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company.

In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot lawyer was questioning Arnie.

'Didn't you say to the policeman at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine I'm fine?' asked the lawyer

Arnie responded: 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I'd just loaded my fav'rit cow, Bessie, into da... '

'I didn't ask for any details', the lawyer interrupted. 'Just answer the question.

Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?'

Arnie said, 'Well, I'd just got Bessie into da trailer and I was drivin' down da road.... '

The lawyerr interrupted again and said ,'Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question. '

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Arnies' answer and said to the lawyer : 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie'.

Arnie thanked the Judge and proceeded. 'Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my fav'rit cow, into de trailer and was drivin' her down de road when this huge Eversweet truck and trailer came tundering tru a stop sign and hit me trailer right in da side. I was trown into one ditch and Bessie was trown into da udder. By Jaysus I was hurt, very bad like, and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moanin' and groanin'. I knew she was in terrible pain just by her groans.

Shortly after da accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moanin' and groanin' too, so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.

Den da policeman came across de road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are you feelin'?'

'Now wot da heck would you say?

[akbeemer]

[Pauls1150]

IRS AUDITOR: "What good are the Bush Lights???"

[ksdcr]

An old man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the movie theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the old man, "Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The old man didn't budge.
The usher became more impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there, I'm going to have to call the manager." Once again, the old man just muttered and did nothing.
The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the old disheveled man, but with no success.
Finally they summoned the police.
The officer surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy what's your name?" "Fred," the old man moaned. "Where you from, Fred?" asked the police officer. With a terrible strain in his voice, and without moving, Fred replied; "The balcony"

[akbeemer]

[GREGFEELER]

Hahaha!!! Good one!