Do you ONLY ride with your (male) SO?

On another (ladies) forum, I suggested a lades gathering... The thread was going along great, until someone (a guy) asked, "Gee, is this gathering for ladies only?" To which a couple ladies replied, "Oh, I only ever ride with my hubby..."

Don't get me wrong. I regularly ride with my SO, and we've been on some amazing trips together. But he can be a royal PITA when it comes to "following" - ie he doesn't follow ME very well. When I follow him, I no longer have to make decisions. He does it all. I fear it makes me a bit lazy.

But, when I'm leading, I have to decide first if this is the best way to go, AND will he follow me on this? It sucks. When I proposed this gathering, I envisioned riding and hanging out with some lady riders, making new friends and learning some great stuff from them. I've seen a number of ladies only trip/ride reports (on Pashnit, in particular) and wanted to see if I could make something like that happen.

Am I truly in the minority in that I'd consider a weekend long motorcycle trip for ladies, without husbands participating?

Pam

Hi Pam,

You may be in the minority but you are not alone. I enjoy riding with my husband and there are times I prefer to ride only with him. However, I also ride with friends, both male and female, with or without my husband.

In the past, I have organized weekend adventures with my girlfriends who ride. I've even mentioned it here so that other like-minded women may feel free to join us. This was done, not to exclude the guys, but more as a way of gaining independence. I do not NEED to ride with my husband or any other guy. I am perfectly capable of riding on my own or with a group of women. This idea was met with mixed reviews. Ironically enough, the guys were understanding. However, there were several women who felt the need to point the finger of exclusivity. To be honest, after all the backlash, I was very suprised that we ended up with our "own room" on the forum.

We are talking about another girls get away (in the PA,MD,WV area) however I've been reluctant to make this public knowledge outside my immediate circle of women friends who ride. When and if it happens, all are welcome but understand that this is not about discriminating against the men in our lives but more about being independent motorcyclists. Not all of us have felt comfortable taking off on our own and from talking with the ladies who have joined these trips, it has helped them gain independence on their two wheeled adventures.

I believe the only way you truly get to be a better rider is being able to think for yourself while riding. All too often, as I've seen recently, men lead and make the decisions, which is all well and good, but does always following (or riding with the SO) make for a better woman rider?

I know of one lady who has a lovely bike of her own only to be scared out of her wits to ride at all because her husband shows major concern for her safety. Will I be able to convice her to join some ladies this summer on a ride, I doubt it.

It was a major event for me to head off on my own ride. But having done it will make me a better rider overall. Being able to say "this isn't working for me" and leave a group ride, or just making the call of where to and how fast or slow you want your ride to go without someone expecting you to keep up is very freeing and a confidence builder.

Now I hear ladies (w/husbands who ride) suggesting a monthy ladies camput weekend ride this summer. It's about being an individual while maintaining a relationship, isn't it? Everyone wins!

I'm not talking about day trip only riders. These are ladies that do some serious touring. I feel that proving to ONESELF that you can survive alone is a huge boost to competence and self-confidence on its own.

As a RiderCoach, I often cringe when couples sign up to attend the BRC together. I'll go so far as to encourage them be in separate classroom groups, to avoid the unwitting deference that we women seem to adopt when with our S.O.'s.

>>> Newstar, please keep me in mind once riding season gets going (if we ever dig out of this Snowpocalipse, that is)! I'm west of Baltimore, not too far to consider venturing into PA, WV or even Western Md. for a good ride!

P

Out of her 900,000 plus BMW miles, Voni has ridden at least 500,000 of them by herself, or at least without me anywhere around. Since we have retired most of our traveling miles have been together. I usually ride in the front but often Voni is "leading" the trip from behind. Many of the "let's go here and do that" decisions are hers. She can as easily set the pace from behind as I do from the front, unless I am patently going too slow in which case she can pass me or tell me. If she thinks I'm going faster than she wants to she just rides along at her pace until I notice and slow down. She has been many places in the 50 states and all the provinces that I haven't been. She knows what she thinks I ought to go see. She knows which roads she likes and which roads she doesn't like.

Group riding in a group of two can as easily be a collaboration of decision making as a dogmatic exercise in "I'm in charge." It just takes two to make it so.

Pam, when I first learned to ride, I was single and had no choice, I HAD to suck it up and get out there and ride by myself or I'd never ride at all. I truly believe that I wouldn't be the rider that I am today if I had been trailing behind a spouse or S.O. back in my early days of riding. I've gotten flamed for this opinion on other women's riding forums, but I've witnessed how over-protectiveness by a male riding companion holds other women riders back from taking charge of their own riding, venturing forth on their own, and pushing their comfort zones.

I actually prefer riding alone and I travel all over the country by myself. Once in a while a good friend (of the male variety) joins me on these trips but it's not very often that he does. I have to say, though, that while I have encountered a number of solo male riders on the road who were obviously taking a road trip, I cannot recall the last time I ever encountered a solo female rider (who I did not already know) doing the same.

Being a rider with a husband who doesn't ride, I would jump at the opportunity to tour with other women. This would be great for 2 reasons, 1) my husband wouldn't feel uncomfortable that he just waved me off to join a group of men on motorcycles for a weekend getaway and 2) I would have riding company.

Sounds like a perfect idea! Sign me up!

Great discussion ladies.
Our charter club has had "Girls Rule Rides" each year and scheduled an over nighter a few years ago. It encourages women to join a group ride that would otherwise avoid cluib rides.
I personally think a women's overnighter is a great idea.
Getting back to ride leaders...We have a number of women that lead club rides involving women & men in our charter club, although most of our club rides are lead by men.

I love to ride by myself. LOVE IT!

But I would guess that half of my miles have been riding with Brian.

I will ride with anyone who wants to! I often ride with my SO but he also encourages me to get out there and put on the miles. He got me started riding and I do love riding with him but I prefer to lead.

I often ride alone after work and that's probably best for a stress reliever.

I've been searching for other woman riders in the Black Hills and can't seem to find them. Maybe because most of them ride Harleys and they're more interested in trolling for men? That is if they don't already have one!

Opps! That was sexist! Forgive me!

Hi, All,
My wife, Harriet, died 2-1/2 years ago. We normally rode together, but not always. A couple of the more notable times when she rode by herself: 1) In 1984 I ordered a bike from an European dealer, then couldn't go get it. Harriet flew to Germany, picked up the bike, rode around Europe for a couple or three weeks, then flew back to North America (Toronto) on the plane with the bike. She got on the bike and rode it to the border, then home to (at the time) Alabama. 2) In 2003 I bought a bike (for her) on E-bay. It was in New Jersey. She flew to NJ, picked up the bike, rode to MA to see friends and family, then rode it home to El Paso, TX. I still have that bike. Our daughter wants it whenever she has a place with a garage!

PHMarvin said:

Hi, All,
My wife, Harriet, died 2-1/2 years ago. We normally rode together, but not always. A couple of the more notable times when she rode by herself: 1) In 1984 I ordered a bike from an European dealer, then couldn't go get it. Harriet flew to Germany, picked up the bike, rode around Europe for a couple or three weeks, then flew back to North America (Toronto) on the plane with the bike. She got on the bike and rode it to the border, then home to (at the time) Alabama. 2) In 2003 I bought a bike (for her) on E-bay. It was in New Jersey. She flew to NJ, picked up the bike, rode to MA to see friends and family, then rode it home to El Paso, TX. I still have that bike. Our daughter wants it whenever she has a place with a garage!

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you went so quickly Marvin. I would like to know more about this person and her story (and your story). -Bob

No. But almost all my overnight rides have been with him. I like to ride by myself.

When I ride with my hubby, he usually leads. Not always but I'd say 75% of the time. When travelling on more technical roads, I prefer he lead only because it challenges me. I can focus on the road, choosing my line through a curve, speed, etc. He will keep an eye on road conditions. This arrangement has helped make me a better, more confident rider.

On the highway - well, that's another story. I try to follow him. Really I do! But eventually, I get fed up with other drivers and have to pass him by in order to speed him up.

Husband in the lead

I let my husband lead so I will not get any tickets. He usually rides a little slower (nearer the speed limit) than I would. When I ride alone I have to watch the speed limit.

Becky

I met one and raised one

My daughter rode with me, touring all over the USA and now rides her own F650ST at age 27. She tours "alone" indeed, long tours and now married has turned her husband into an F650Dakar owner also. She's a leader and HE knows it. They are perfect kidsand married two years now. Our young 'MOA, in motion! She also flies a jet for the USNavy, he too, so her life is unusually exciting. Pensacola is home....
Montana's famed GlacierNP, I ran into a young woman touring alone a couple years ago, riding from Texas to Alaska, she was!... All alone and maybe 25 years old. What surprised ME, she WAS on a NEW 1800 Gold wing, towing a trailer behind. WOW, this is a spirited young woman! She might have been 130lbs, soaking wet, riding one of the industries largest machines a long long ways from home. I was impressed.
Happy Trails to all you women out there, willing to expand your horizons beyond the norm of most. Biking is indeed that, an expansion of the mind, in all its glory. Travel will never be the same again, for those who achieve this freedom on a bike. I'm nearly a million miler now and cannot express how much enjoyment my life has seen on two wheels. You TOO, ladies! Best regards, Randy"Polarbear"

I find that LD touring is a crime of opportunity, and I historically got more time off than my husband,
thanks to long tenure at my job. This is only recently changing.
That has left me traveling to events solo and then day riding with old and new friends,
often tagging along home with anyone heading my way.
It has been one of the great things about MOA clubs and events that I have only had good
experiences doing this.
I still miss riding cross-country with my long time touring partner, who ultimately gave up motorcycling entirely.
Especially for those serious cross-country jaunts, it is far too hard to find someone whose riding style,
discipline, and preferences are close to your own to rule out riding together because he's a male friend.


unless you're afraid of cooties

Becky said:

I let my husband lead so I will not get any tickets. He usually rides a little slower (nearer the speed limit) than I would. When I ride alone I have to watch the speed limit.
Becky

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I too love riding alone but have an SO that also rides. He doesn't get anywhere near the amt of time off that I do. That said, I can lead, that ZX14 ALWAYS gets the tickets, even if I'm going faster.

I don't have a S. O. so that means I ride by myself.

I don't have a SO also so I too tend to ride by myself. Sometimes, I will call upon a friend of mine to see what they are doing and if they want to hang with me on a LD trip. Sometimes it really depends on my mood and where I plan to go that will determine if I put a call out for a riding buddy or not. When I do ride with someone, we take turns on who leads because I find that if I follow for a long period of time, I get tired.