Be careful Scottish little people may be offended by short jokes.
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I'm ready for more jokes.
- Thread starter oldhway
- Start date
Be careful Scottish little people may be offended by short jokes.
Darryl Cainey
Sir Darby
The light turned yellow, just in front of him.
He did the right thing and stopped at the crosswalk, even though he could
have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.
The tailgating woman behind him was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration,
as she missed her chance to get through the intersection.
As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up
into the face of a very serious police officer.
The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.
He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted,
photographed and placed in a holding cell.
After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door.
She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was
waiting with her personal effects.
He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while
you were blowing your horn, giving the guy in front of you the finger and cursing at him.
I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' licence plate holder,
the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian Fish Emblem
on the trunk, so naturally I assumed you had stolen the car."
He did the right thing and stopped at the crosswalk, even though he could
have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.
The tailgating woman behind him was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration,
as she missed her chance to get through the intersection.
As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up
into the face of a very serious police officer.
The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.
He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted,
photographed and placed in a holding cell.
After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door.
She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was
waiting with her personal effects.
He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while
you were blowing your horn, giving the guy in front of you the finger and cursing at him.
I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' licence plate holder,
the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian Fish Emblem
on the trunk, so naturally I assumed you had stolen the car."
mikegalbicka
Back in the saddle again
Funny and sad at the same time because it is all too real.
But "no va" and "nova" are two different words/phrases.
And Snopes gives this a False rating. 
akbeemer
SURVIVOR
Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working
in the family business.
When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his
sickly father died, he decided he needed to find a wife with
whom to share his fortune.
One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted the most
beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took
his breath away.
"I may look like just an ordinary guy," he said to her,
"but in just a few years, my father will die and I will inherit $200
million."
Impressed, the woman asked for his business card.
Three months later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much better at financial planning than men.
in the family business.
When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his
sickly father died, he decided he needed to find a wife with
whom to share his fortune.
One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted the most
beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took
his breath away.
"I may look like just an ordinary guy," he said to her,
"but in just a few years, my father will die and I will inherit $200
million."
Impressed, the woman asked for his business card.
Three months later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much better at financial planning than men.
WalterK75
Active member
A woman takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work – not aware that her 9-year-old son is hiding in the closet.
Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she hides her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.
“Dark in here,” the boy whispers.
“Yes, it is,” the man replies awkwardly.
“I have a baseball. Want to buy it?”
“No, thanks.”
“My dad’s outside.”
“Okay, how much?”
“$250.”
A few weeks later, the same thing happens, and the boy and the mom’s lover find themselves in the closet together.
“Dark in here.”
“Yes, it is.”
“I have a baseball glove. Want to buy it?”
“No, thanks.”
“I’ll tell.”
“How much?”
“$750.”
A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your glove. Let’s go outside and toss the baseball!”
“I can’t,” the boy replies. “I sold them.”
“How much did you sell them for?” the dad asks.
“$1,000,” the boy proudly announces.
“That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that,” the father says, shocked. “That is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.”
At church that Sunday, the father alerts the priest, makes his child sit in the confession booth, and closes the door.
“Dark in here,” the boy says.
The priest replies, “Don’t start that again.”
Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she hides her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.
“Dark in here,” the boy whispers.
“Yes, it is,” the man replies awkwardly.
“I have a baseball. Want to buy it?”
“No, thanks.”
“My dad’s outside.”
“Okay, how much?”
“$250.”
A few weeks later, the same thing happens, and the boy and the mom’s lover find themselves in the closet together.
“Dark in here.”
“Yes, it is.”
“I have a baseball glove. Want to buy it?”
“No, thanks.”
“I’ll tell.”
“How much?”
“$750.”
A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your glove. Let’s go outside and toss the baseball!”
“I can’t,” the boy replies. “I sold them.”
“How much did you sell them for?” the dad asks.
“$1,000,” the boy proudly announces.
“That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that,” the father says, shocked. “That is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.”
At church that Sunday, the father alerts the priest, makes his child sit in the confession booth, and closes the door.
“Dark in here,” the boy says.
The priest replies, “Don’t start that again.”
akbeemer
SURVIVOR
Barbara Walters, of 20/20, did a story on gender roles in Kabul ,
Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict.
She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their
husbands.
She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind
their husbands. Despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime,
the women now seem happy to maintain the old custom.
Ms Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, 'Why do you
now seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so desperately to
change?'
The woman looked Ms Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation
said, “Land mines.”
Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict.
She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their
husbands.
She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind
their husbands. Despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime,
the women now seem happy to maintain the old custom.
Ms Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, 'Why do you
now seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so desperately to
change?'
The woman looked Ms Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation
said, “Land mines.”
But "no va" and "nova" are two different words/phrases.
Damn! another belief bashed, my world is disintegrating!
You have to give bartenders a lot of credit. They always had an answer.
Psychiatrist vs. Bartender ..
Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. So I went to a shrink and told him “I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.”
“Just put yourself in my hands for one year, said the shrink. "Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.”
“How much do you charge?”
“One hundred fifty dollars per visit,” replied the doctor.
“I'll sleep on it,” I said.
Six months later the doctor met me on the street. He asked “Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?”
“Well, $150 a visit, three times a week for a year, is $23,400.00. A bartender cured me for $10.00. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought a new pickup truck.”
“Is that so?” With a bit of an attitude he said, “and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?”
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Nobody under there now.”
It's always better to get a second opinion!!!
Psychiatrist vs. Bartender ..
Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. So I went to a shrink and told him “I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.”
“Just put yourself in my hands for one year, said the shrink. "Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.”
“How much do you charge?”
“One hundred fifty dollars per visit,” replied the doctor.
“I'll sleep on it,” I said.
Six months later the doctor met me on the street. He asked “Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?”
“Well, $150 a visit, three times a week for a year, is $23,400.00. A bartender cured me for $10.00. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought a new pickup truck.”
“Is that so?” With a bit of an attitude he said, “and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?”
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Nobody under there now.”
It's always better to get a second opinion!!!
ricochetrider
Out There Somewhere
A guy was fishing in his boat, but was getting low on bait. Along swims a snake, with a frog in its mouth. The guy sees this, and thinks to himself, "frogs make good bait!" so he gets out his flask, nets the snake, and pours a little Jack Daniels in the snake's mouth. The snake lets go of the frog, which the guy puts in his bait bucket. He then releases the snake, and keeps on fishing. Little while later, he hears something bumping into the side of his boat, so he looks over the side to see what it is. It's that darn snake...
with two more frogs!
with two more frogs!
pauls1150
MOA #24991, south of Los Angeles
Insurance
Larry's barn burned down, and, Susan, his wife, called the insurance company:
"We had that barn insured for $50,000 and I want my money."
Agent: "Whoa there just a minute, Susan, it doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of the old barn and provide you with a new one of comparable worth.”
Susan, after a pause: "I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband.”
Larry's barn burned down, and, Susan, his wife, called the insurance company:
"We had that barn insured for $50,000 and I want my money."
Agent: "Whoa there just a minute, Susan, it doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of the old barn and provide you with a new one of comparable worth.”
Susan, after a pause: "I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband.”
King Arthur and the Ugly Old Woman
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.
The question?... What do women really want?
Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priest, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.
Many people advised him to consult the ugly old woman, for only she would have the answer.
But the price would be high; as the ugly old woman was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.
The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the ugly old woman.
She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.
The ugly old woman wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthurs closest friend!
Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, and smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.
He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.
He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.
Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the ugly old woman answered Arthur's question thus:
What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own life.
Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the woman had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.
And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the ugly old woman had a wonderful wedding.
The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.
The young beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared ugly, she would henceforth, be her horrible self only half the time and beautiful maiden the other half.
Which would you prefer? Beautiful during the day...or night?
Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of the castle, an ugly old woman? Or would he prefer having a hideous woman during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?
What would you do?
What Lancelot chose is below. BUT...make your choice before you scroll down below.
Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.
Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.
Now what is the moral to this story?
The moral is...
If you don't let a woman have her own way...Things are going to get ugly...
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.
The question?... What do women really want?
Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priest, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.
Many people advised him to consult the ugly old woman, for only she would have the answer.
But the price would be high; as the ugly old woman was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.
The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the ugly old woman.
She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.
The ugly old woman wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthurs closest friend!
Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, and smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.
He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.
He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.
Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the ugly old woman answered Arthur's question thus:
What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own life.
Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the woman had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.
And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the ugly old woman had a wonderful wedding.
The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.
The young beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared ugly, she would henceforth, be her horrible self only half the time and beautiful maiden the other half.
Which would you prefer? Beautiful during the day...or night?
Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of the castle, an ugly old woman? Or would he prefer having a hideous woman during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?
What would you do?
What Lancelot chose is below. BUT...make your choice before you scroll down below.
Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.
Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.
Now what is the moral to this story?
The moral is...
If you don't let a woman have her own way...Things are going to get ugly...
WalterK75
Active member
A businessman in the first class cabin decided to chat up the drop dead, gorgeous flight attendant.
Businessman: “What is your name?”
Flight Attendant: “Angela Benz, sir”
Businessman: “Lovely name ...any relation to Mercedes Benz?”
Flight Attendant: “Yes sir, very close”
Businessman: “How close?”
Flight Attendant: “Same price".
Businessman: “What is your name?”
Flight Attendant: “Angela Benz, sir”
Businessman: “Lovely name ...any relation to Mercedes Benz?”
Flight Attendant: “Yes sir, very close”
Businessman: “How close?”
Flight Attendant: “Same price".
tonysuburb
New member
Silly overused anecdote attributed to Harry Carry the broadcaster
A rookie police officer pulled a biker over for speeding and had the following exchange:
• Officer: May I see your driver's license?
• Biker: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
• Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
• Biker: It's not my bike. I stole it.
• Officer: The motorcycle is stolen?
• Biker: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the tool bag when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the tool bag?
• Biker: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the dude who owns this bike and stuffed his dope in the saddle bags.
• Officer: There's drugs in the saddle bags too?!?!?
• Biker: Yes, sir. Hearing this, the rookie immediately called his captain. The biker was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the biker to handle the tense situation:
• Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
• Biker: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.
• Captain: Who's motorcycle is this?
• Biker: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.
• Captain: Could you slowly open your tool bag so I can see if there's a gun in it?
• Biker: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the tool bag.
• Captain: Would you mind opening your saddle bags? I was told you said there's drugs in them.
• Biker: No problem. The saddle bags were opened; no drugs.
• Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole this motorcycle, had a gun in the tool bag, and that there were drugs in the saddle bags.
• Biker: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too.
A rookie police officer pulled a biker over for speeding and had the following exchange:
• Officer: May I see your driver's license?
• Biker: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
• Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
• Biker: It's not my bike. I stole it.
• Officer: The motorcycle is stolen?
• Biker: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the tool bag when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the tool bag?
• Biker: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the dude who owns this bike and stuffed his dope in the saddle bags.
• Officer: There's drugs in the saddle bags too?!?!?
• Biker: Yes, sir. Hearing this, the rookie immediately called his captain. The biker was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the biker to handle the tense situation:
• Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
• Biker: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.
• Captain: Who's motorcycle is this?
• Biker: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.
• Captain: Could you slowly open your tool bag so I can see if there's a gun in it?
• Biker: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the tool bag.
• Captain: Would you mind opening your saddle bags? I was told you said there's drugs in them.
• Biker: No problem. The saddle bags were opened; no drugs.
• Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole this motorcycle, had a gun in the tool bag, and that there were drugs in the saddle bags.
• Biker: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too.
Once used as part of a job application:
You’re driving down the road in your sports car on a wild and stormy night. [You wouldn't be out on your BMW motorcycle on such a night, right!] The weather is like a hurricane, with heavy rains, high winds, and lightning flashing constantly. While driving, you come across a partially-covered bus stop, and you can see three people waiting for a bus:
- An old woman who looks as if she is about to die.
- An old friend who once saved your life.
- The perfect partner you have been dreaming about (your “soulmate”).
Knowing that you only have room for one passenger in your car (it’s a really small car), which one would you choose to offer a ride to? And why?
The Bruce Willis character answered it this way in the moved "16 Blocks":
“I would give the car keys to my old friend, and let him take the old woman to the hospital. Then I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams.”
You’re driving down the road in your sports car on a wild and stormy night. [You wouldn't be out on your BMW motorcycle on such a night, right!] The weather is like a hurricane, with heavy rains, high winds, and lightning flashing constantly. While driving, you come across a partially-covered bus stop, and you can see three people waiting for a bus:
- An old woman who looks as if she is about to die.
- An old friend who once saved your life.
- The perfect partner you have been dreaming about (your “soulmate”).
Knowing that you only have room for one passenger in your car (it’s a really small car), which one would you choose to offer a ride to? And why?
The Bruce Willis character answered it this way in the moved "16 Blocks":
“I would give the car keys to my old friend, and let him take the old woman to the hospital. Then I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams.”
squeaky4432
Squeaky
Retirement
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart.*
Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.*
Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - loves to browse & leaves me with endless time to fulfill.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local Wal-Mart***
*
Dear Mrs. Cunningham:
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store.
Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Cunningham, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:**
1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away'.
This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time; and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.**
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.**
6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.*
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
EMTs were called.**
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.***
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.**
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'***
14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed; 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'****
And last, but not least:**
16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.**
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart.*
Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.*
Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - loves to browse & leaves me with endless time to fulfill.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local Wal-Mart***
*
Dear Mrs. Cunningham:
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store.
Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Cunningham, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:**
1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away'.
This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time; and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.**
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.**
6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.*
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
EMTs were called.**
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.***
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.**
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'***
14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed; 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'****
And last, but not least:**
16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.**
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