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I'm ready for more jokes.

A son asked his mother the following question: ' Mom, why are wedding dresses white? ' The mother looks at her son and replies: ' Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.'The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.' Dad why are wedding dresses white? ' The father looks at his son in surprise and says:
'Son, all household appliances come in white. '
 
A woman with nine children was asked how she coped when the kids became ill.

She replied, "When the first born coughed or sneezed, I called the ambulance. When the last one swallowed a quarter, I told him that it was coming out of his allowance!"
 
The Teacher asked young Patrick Murphy: "What do you do at Christmas time?"

Patrick addressed the class: "Well Ms. Jones, me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to midnight mass and we sing hymns; then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then all excited, we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our toys.

"Very nice Patrick," she said. "Now Jimmy Brown, what do you do atChristmas?"

"Well, Ms. Jones, me and my sister also go to church with Mom and Dad and we sing carols and we get home ever so late. We put cookies and milk by the chimney and we hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep, waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents."

Realizing there was a little Jewish boy in the class and not wanting to Leave him out of the discussion, she asked, "Now, Isaac Cohen, what do you do at Christmas?"

Isaac said, "Well, it's the same thing every year...Dad comes home from the office. We all pile into the Rolls Royce; then we drive to Dad's toy factory. When we get inside, we look at all the empty shelves...and begin to sing: "What A Friend We Have in Jesus". Then we all go to the Bahamas."
 
Do you know why the British have never managed to build a supercomputer?

>>..>

Couldnt figure out how to build one that leaks oil.

(sorry brits)
 
Weather Report

Just talked to a guy on the ham radio living in
northern Minnesota near the Canadian border...
He said that since early this morning the snow is
nearly waist high and is still falling... The temperature
is dropping and is at about 15 degrees, and the north
wind is increasing to near gale force...
His wife has done nothing but look through the
kitchen window and just stare.

He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to
let her in.



.
 
Breast Stroke

Three women, A blonde, a brunette and a redhead competed in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition..

The brunette came in first, with the redhead a close second.

Much later the blond finally reached the shore, completely exhausted and near the point of drowning

After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked, "I don't want to complain, but I think those other two girls used their arms.":banghead
 
As I was watching Jurassic Park the other day for the millionth time, this came to me:
What Kind of breakfast does a tyrannosaurus rex eat???..........................................................
Honey Bunches of Goats!
I guess I need to get out more!
 
What's he eat?
Oh, nuttin', honey...

Hey, isn't that old Noah's boat?
Darn, was that today?
 
A man who had just finished golfing with his buddies boarded a bus with one of his front pockets stuffed with golf balls. He sat down next to a beautiful blonde, and after a few minutes he noticed she kept staring at the bulge in his pants. Finally he said Its golf balls....oh,she replied... Does that hurt as much as tennis elbow
 
Wow I need to get going, I'm running late to the rally...I grab the throttle and I'm gone... O man what's this red light behind , great...think fast.... The police officer got out of his car as I was taking the helmet off, I've been waiting for u all day the officer said..... Yeah... Well I got here as fast as I could........ The cop finally stopped laughing and he sent me off
 
Jokes

Jokes on this thread that have racial or religious content should be edited out,
no questions asked, plain and simple.
J. Wexler
 
Science Jokes

Did you hear about the guy who lowered his body temperature to absolute zero?
He was 0 K.



Schr?Âdinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.


Two guys walk into a bar. The bartender asks, "What will you have?"
The first says, "I'll just have some H2O." The second one says,
"I'll have H2O too." The second guy died.


There are 10 kinds of people.
Those who understand Binary and those who don't.
No, there are THREE kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.



The bartender said, "We don't serve faster than light neutrinos here."
A neutrino walked into a bar.
 
They did a study to determine why most married women are heavier than most single women. They found the answer.

The single woman comes home, looks in her refrigerator and goes to bed.

The married woman comes home, looks in her bed and goes to the refrigerator.
 
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