How long?

sudani · Nov 10, 2009

Received a phone call from a long time friend today. She is getting married in a week! She's been dating this man for 2.5 months. I'm happy for her...I hope that she has found her dreamboat. But really......2.5 months?

How long was it before you took the leap with your squeeze? What made you do it?

Inquiring minds want to know.........

womanridge · Nov 10, 2009

2 1/2 mos? Seems a bit premature, but hey, who am I to judge?
I've fallen in LXXX in less time than that. (But it was a looooooooooooong time ago.)

copilot · Nov 10, 2009

Yikes.........still in the lust stage (in my humble opinion). My first marriage I was engaged after 3 months, married 9 months later. Gee, did I say "first" marriage. You are in lust for the first 6 months, then the blinders come off and you start seeing what is real.

My sweetheart and I were engaged a whopping 3 months but we were together for over 2 years before that.

But who am I to judge?

:nyah

clowry · Nov 10, 2009

Dave and I had known each other about 7 years before we got married, (still too young in my parents' opinions). Celebrated out 27th anniversary in August. That said, I think everybody's different. If it feels right to them, they should go for it. Nothing in life is certain, but that shouldn't stop us from living it as best we can. Just my opinion...

Rod Sheridan · Nov 11, 2009

26 years, 6 months and counting..............Rod.

montana · Nov 11, 2009

You don't have to know a person for a long time or well to decide to marry (or commit). In fact, you are fooling yourself if you think waiting some amount of time makes the difference.

Life is a journey. We all change over time. You'll get to know each other, more, every day.

For us, the decision to marry was literally stated as: Yeah, let's go for some history.

23 years and counting.

You can decide whether to get to know each other more, over the years, as the committed couple or more, over the years, as singles. The process is the same: your life is happening.

My father finally married a widow he had been dating and living with, on and off, for something like 9 years. When they met she had two toddlers, girls. I asked him why they finally decided to get married. His answer was, "I already raised my two daughters, I didn't want to raise two more."

I pointed out that he was the father figure for her children already. What a stupid answer.

sudani · Nov 11, 2009

Montana,

Very enlightening response to my query and really made sense to me. "You can decide whether to get to know each other more, over the years, as the committed couple or more, over the years, as singles. The process is the same: your life is happening." I think the key word here is "committed". Without it there can be no moving forward.

God knows, I've made good and bad decisions in my life....bottom line is, as you said, life continues to happen. I was married 31 years....been single 10 yrs. I guess I look at my friend who was married 25 yrs, single for 15 and think....has she given up the dream or is she just going with her gut feeling that this is it and commit? Either way, I hope it works out for her. :heart

Still....scary as hell! I don't take getting married lightly.

redclfco · Nov 11, 2009

Gave up counting on my fingers

26 years in June, more coming....

J Brase · Nov 11, 2009

A long time ago, 1979 I think it was, I used to hang out at a bar-pizza place. There was a cute lady working there and we went to a movie one Sunday afternoon. The next week I was in the bar and asked her if she would like to come home with me after she got off work.

SHE'S STILL HERE!!

John

sudani · Nov 11, 2009

John Brase said:
A long time ago, 1979 I think it was, I used to hang out at a bar-pizza place. There was a cute lady working there and we went to a movie one Sunday afternoon. The next week I was in the bar and asked her if she would like to come home with me after she got off work.

SHE'S STILL HERE!!

John

Now that's cute!

Bud · Nov 11, 2009

Let's see. Met in Sept, 64, married in July 67 and working on our 43rd year.

I wish I knew then what I know now.

You make a decision, every single day, to love.

Not lust, not infatuation, not warm fuzzies, not happily ever after. While all nice, they are not real love.

Love is a choice we make over, and over and over.

At least that is the view from my front porch.

EDGEFEVER · Nov 11, 2009

I met my husband when he as 13 he is now 46 who's counting? We were married when he was 19. What a ride! :clap

sudani · Nov 11, 2009

Edgefever said:
I met my husband when he as 13 he is now 46 who's counting? We were married when he was 19. What a ride!

Edge,

I met mine at 13, too, and married at 18. It worked for a very long time. I guess it's like SIBUD said, "Love is a choice we make over, and over and over".

I find this thread and the input from personal experiences very enlightening. Thank you for sharing.

montana · Nov 12, 2009

sudani said:
...
God knows, I've made good and bad decisions in my life....bottom line is, as you said, life continues to happen.
...Either way, I hope it works out for her.

Still....scary as hell! I don't take getting married lightly.

Well, I don't have one of those "OMG, you are SO made for each other!" kind of marriages. Maybe we just are doomed...uh, lucky (yeah, that's it...) to have found each other.

We both, together and separately, have made some bad decisions in these years. The hope is, the bad decisions made by one will be counterbalanced by the other.

I don't take getting married lightly, either. I confess to a "starter" marriage (two years or less, by definition, I believe!). I told this husband, "One of us has to die to get out of this marriage." An interesting question is to ask your friends: Would you do it again?

Okay, this is really girly thing: I hadn't really watched Sex & The City very often, but I got into it around the time Miranda, the redhaired lawyer, met, dated, broke up with, and finally married the bartender Steve. I thought that relationship was well written and interesting. She was who she is. He counterbalanced those things.

What really seems to make the difference is trust. Don't f**k around with someone you don't trust. Life is too short for that drama.

88bmwjeff · Nov 13, 2009

My wife and I dated for about nine months before we lived together. I proposed after about a year of living together, and we got married about 18 months after that.

While 2.5 months does seem short, I do think the older we get the less time it takes us to "figure out" if someone is right or wrong for us.

RTST · Nov 13, 2009

Wife and I met on a Harley ride (we both ride BMW's now) in June 1988 and were married two months later in August. Have ridden the whole time.
Larry

bob1100rtc · Nov 13, 2009

I married my wife 8 months after our first date. 2 kids and 25 years later and we're still in love/lust. When it's the right person it's the right person.

sudani · Nov 13, 2009

I do hope that is the case for my friend. I guess when it's right....go for it!

tmoyer · Nov 13, 2009

Matt and I met (officially) after I had a few very choice words for him in a public hallway at the hospital where we both worked. We dated for about a year before he was transferred to DE. For financial reasons, we moved in together and he proposed two years later. I told him that as a child of divorced parents, I believed if I never married, I'd never divorce. So he better be absolutely sure.

We just celebrated our 15th anniversary so I guess he was sure.

jgr451 · Nov 13, 2009

SIBUD said:
Let's see. Met in Sept, 64, married in July 67 and working on our 43rd year.

I wish I knew then what I know now.

You make a decision, every single day, to love.

Not lust, not infatuation, not warm fuzzies, not happily ever after. While all nice, they are not real love.

Love is a choice we make over, and over and over.

At least that is the view from my front porch.

Thanks,Sibud,my thoughts exactly.Love is a decision.

How long?

New member

New member

Tina Doggett

Active member

New member

New member

New member

New member

Braz

New member

It is what it is.

EDGEFEVER

Guest

New member

New member

SF Bay Area

RTST

Guest

bob1100rtc

Guest

New member

Intermediate Adventurer

Active member

Similar threads